His Zombie Boy
by YourRhineStoneEyes
Summary: Some changes in life are horrible and seem like they can't be undone. Sometimes though you may find a loophole to take back these things, even something as tragic as death. 2DxMurdoc
1. Introduction

Its strange how quickly life can change or how in one second it can just end. You never really expect the changes unless there are signs showing you that something is coming, signs that let you get used to it. Most of the time these changes and the ends come out of nowhere, it always catches you by surprise, and very rarely in a good way. Some changes could rip you apart from the inside out, change everything about the way that you think or the way that you live your life. Some changes are nearly impossible to accept, no matter how many times you look at it face the facts of this new reality you can't get it through your mind. No matter what that denial hangs heavy, you wake up every morning thinking the changes were just dreams…Horrible dreams that once you leave the comforts of your bed that everything will be normal, your world hasn't ended. Of course there are those who happen to have the good changes; winning a lottery, finding out that they're pregnant, a proposal, a promotion, or something like that….Then there were the unlucky ones, but in the end to some extent everybody had to go through those horrible changes. These dark moments that you hoped would end or get better, but every day they just got worse and made it harder for you to function to the point where you dreaded sleep and you dreaded waking.

These were the things that ran through Murdoc's mind as he kneeled before the tomb stone his mismatched eyes reading over the words and the dates. He reached out tracing the name chiseled into the stone and cursed under his breath as a few stray tears fell from his sore eyes. He couldn't accept the changes; no matter how many times he came down to the landfill to look at the grave stone he couldn't accept this, he wished that he could go back to that day five months ago and change things. He had a thousand options that day, a thousand things that if he only had changed one thing this wouldn't have happened. He laid the black rose down on the dark cold dirt staring at it for a moment, thinking what…Who was under there, he wasn't a stranger to death, but nothing about this was right. Everybody else was starting to move on, he hated them for it. He didn't understand how they could just move on, pretend that everything was alright….He read over the writing again as more tears fell down his face, he would never accept these changes.

'Stuart "2D" Pot 1978-2006, Beloved friend and son'


	2. Chapter One

5 Months Earlier

They had just gotten done with a show, it hadn't really been planned, but Murdoc had scheduled it mostly because he felt the band was losing some of their publicity. He knew his band mates would agree to it even if he had informed them rather last minute; the show had gone as chaotic and greatly as all their other shows. Now the four of them were in a pub about an hour away from the concert hall drinking and spending some time with some of the fans from the show. Murdoc stood to the side already bored of the women throwing themselves at him, he'd been that way lately, and it had been bothering him. He scanned the building seeing what his band mates were doing; Noodle sat at a table with a few other people laughing and talking to them, Russel was at the bar with a few women two of which would touch or grope his arms every now and again then giggle at every other thing that he said, and to the bassist surprise 2D was standing to the side like he was hiding away from everybody else in the bar.

Usually the blue haired singer liked the attention of women, but now he just stood there staring off like he was thinking about something important. Murdoc laughed at the thought of 2D actually thinking about something, the singer never thought at all. He was probably zoned out focusing on some graffiti on a wall or something. The bassist continued staring at him; he'd been doing it a lot lately. Noticing different things about him like how his blackened eyes sometimes had white in them or looked more so crimson, how almost feminine his body was, how his hair changed colors every other month….He was grateful that the younger man was too brain dead to notice the Satanist staring, that by the time he did notice Murdoc could usually just whack him in the head for questioning him and then the topic was dropped. 2D couldn't say anything especially since the he had stared at the older man for hours at a time before, usually because his mind just went blank on him, but other times when Murdoc would ask why he was staring he would blush then just start stuttering until Murdoc would punch him.

That was the other thing; anymore when he beat up the younger man he would feel guilty about it. Especially the times he could swear that the singer was crying after a round of abuse. Generally he would just drown the guilt with alcohol, but most times that just made it worse.

"Mu'doc"

The older man jumped and turned to see 2D standing next to him, he looked down letting his hair fall in his face when the green skinned man turned around to face him.

"W'at is it faceache yew scared t'e bloody hell outta me." The older man growled feeling annoyed.

"S-Sorry just…I need to talk to yew 'bout somefink." 2D said finally looking up at the other man again.

"Can't it just wait until we get back to Kong?" Murdoc asked folding his arms across his chest as he leaned back against the wall staring up at the younger man already feeling disinterested.

"Well…Well um I…Fo-for….I mean…"

"For fuck's sake spit it out yew poof."

He noticed the younger man visibly tense and smiled.

"Right well…."

"For the love of Satan why do yew have to drag everythin' out so God da-"

Murdoc's words were cut off when 2D pressed his lips against his. The older man's body tensed; in the back of his mind he knew he should knock the blue haired man on his ass, but he couldn't get himself to. He couldn't get himself to do much of anything other than stand there and shiver when he felt fingers run through his greasy hair. He never kissed back though; it felt like forever until the vocalist broke away his face red and dark eyes down cast.

"I love yew Mu'doc" The singer whispered as he ran his fingers along the older man's cheek.

The bassist felt his heart skip a beat at the words, his eyes widened slightly as he placed his hands against the vocalist chest shoving him away from him. 2D stumbled back and stared down at him looking hurt, Murdoc smacked him hard across the face. A few people looked at them, but quickly looked away once the Satanist glared in their direction. He turned his attention back to 2D who was looking down; he swore that he could see a few tears scrolling down his cheeks. Some part of him wanting to grab him and apologize, that wasn't his style though he wasn't raised to apologize or show love for that matter.

"Never fucking do that again yew disgusting worthless little queer." He growled as he glared at the taller man.

2D nodded slowly muttering something the Satanist couldn't understand before turning and walking away. Murdoc leaned back against the wall and ran his fingers back through his hair; he could still feel where the younger man's lips had been pressed against his.

He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned shoving the other person away expecting it to be the singer. He looked up to see a taller man with short brown hair, tan skin, and dark green eyes glaring down at him in disgust.

"Hey was t'at yer boyfriend?"

"None of yer fucking business ya fuckin' nob." Murdoc mumbled as he turned his attention away from the other man.

The green eyed man grabbed him by the shoulder and roughly turned him around. Murdoc grabbed the taller man's wrist digging his sharpened nails into the man's skin until it bled causing him to pull away crying out in pain. The bassist smirked as he looked at the other man who was cradling his bleeding wrist.

"Yew fuckin' faggot, yer gonna fuckin' pay for t'at."

"Yeah, yeah whatever join t'e club of everybody who has ever fucking said t'at to me." Murdoc replied rolling his eyes.

He could feel more eyes on him this time, this time he didn't even bother meeting their stares. He kind of liked when people paid attention to him when he got into fights especially if he was the one winning. It wasn't like Murdoc was one to really win in a physical confrontation, but usually his mouth got him out of most trouble…That or Russel would be able to pull the other person off of him before too much damage was done.

He watched as the dark haired man turned and sauntered off probably to drink more and complain to his friends about how the green skinned Goth scratched him ruining his pride. Murdoc smiled to himself taking pride in the fact that he handled it without causing too much of a scene, he wasn't too fond of being thrown out of pubs.

The older man stood around for a few minutes occasionally looking around for 2D, but he never spotted him. He was actually kind of worried; he couldn't stop thinking about what had happened. He was in shock still, he wondered how he would handle it once they got back home…He already knew how, he would just act like nothing had happened, and if 2D ever tried to bring it up again he'd just beat him up. He didn't want to talk about it, explain himself, or see that fucking hurt look on the blue haired man's face again.

He needed to stop thinking about it, knowing the younger man's attention span he'd be over it by the morning. Murdoc made his way out of the pub and into the cool night air; he needed a smoke and a break from thinking. He wasn't as drunk as he usually was by this time of night, usually by now his mind was numb with alcohol. The times he was sober or even anywhere near it were the times where his mind was running on high, where he thought over everything that had ever happened to him, or every single bad thing he'd ever done. Especially all of the bad things he had ever done to 2D…Damn it he needed to stop thinking about the idiot.

The bassist made his way into the alley way next to the pub and pulled the pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. Before he could get one out somebody grabbed him by the arm and slammed him back against a wall, his head hit against the bricks and he let out a low growl of pain. He tried to look and see who was holding onto him, but before he got the chance a fist collided with the side of his face sending shocks of pain through him. He kicked out his legs trying to hit the other person and twisted his arm to the point it hurt, but all that earned was his attacker kneeing him in the stomach causing him to drop onto his knees.

He opened his eyes and looked up seeing the green eyed asshole who he had scratched earlier that night. The man smiled wickedly as he met the bassist eyes, he reached down grabbing the Satanist by his hair and pulling him up to his feet and pushing him back against the wall.

"Told ya t'at I'd get yew back ya fuckin' queer."

"Yeah whatever just kick my arse and get it t'e fuck over wit'." Murdoc replied trying to keep his voice steady even though his head was killing him.

"No I got somethin' better t'an t'at planned."

The Satanist watched as the other man pulled a pistol out and held it up in front of his face letting Murdoc get a good look of it. He wanted to feel afraid like a normal person would, but all he could think about was how long it'd be before anybody found his corpse.

"So yer gonna kill me, fine just do it right yew fucking loser." Murdoc spat out trying to sound annoyed.

It wasn't like he really wanted to die, it was something that always scared him, but right now it didn't. He felt like it wasn't going to happen, he'd had a lot of people including his own father try to murder him over the years, and it never worked. Why would tonight be any different than any of those other times, if he did die though he just hoped hell would be slightly kind to him.

The man pressed the barrel of the gun between his eyes, the metal felt cold against his skin. He tried to keep his eyes open, tried to keep staring into the younger man's almost feline like green eyes.

He caught a glimpse of a figure coming up behind his attacker and figured it was somebody else there to help kill him, but the other person grabbed the green eyed man by the back of his shirt jerking him away from the Satanist. The man's eyes went wide; he elbowed the person who grabbed him knocking them away. Before Murdoc could move the green eyed man knocked him in the side of the head with the gun knocking him onto the ground causing him to black out long enough to miss the sound of feet scuffling, a few muffled curses, and the sound of the gun going off.

When he came back his head was throbbing more than it had been moments before and his vision was blurred. Not too far away from him he saw a body lying on the ground, he tried to focus on it and make out the face figuring it was the man who had been ready to shoot him. He closed his eyes then opened them again feeling his heart stop and his throat go dry when he realized who it was laying on the ground.

He ignored the pain shooting through his body and crawled over to the younger man.

2D was lying on the ground motionless his skin paler than it usually was, his blue hair stained with blood, black eyes closed. Murdoc put his hand under the back of the younger man's head tangling his fingers in his spiked hair; he placed his other hand on his chest removing it suddenly when he felt something hot and wet. He looked down at his hand feeling sick at the sight of the blood staining his skin. He looked down at 2D's chest noticing the darkened circle through his shirt and the blood soaking through the material turning it almost black.

"No…No…No"

He pulled the younger man onto his lap, he grabbed onto his wrist feeling for a pulse. He felt one but it was barely there, his skin was cold.

"Come on…No don't fuckin' do t'is to me ya fucking moron, why were yew out here anyways? Yew stupid fucking queer, if yew die its yer fault. This is yer fault anyways…Dammit yer too young to die it's supposed to be me not yew." Murdoc said his voice cracking

He wasn't sure if he was more angered or horrified at what was going on. His head was spinning and his body hurt like Hell, he couldn't take his eyes off the blue haired man. He just kept waiting for him to open his eyes, to grin like the mindless little idiot that he was, and ask what was going on. If he woke up Murdoc was going to beat the shit out of him and tell him how stupid he was for what he did. Why did he have to come outside, why in Hell did he have to save Murdoc's life?

The older man pulled the singer's body closer not even caring that the other man's blood was staining his own clothes and skin. He didn't care about that; he didn't care about anything he just needed him to wake up. That's all that he needed him to do right now was to wake up, Murdoc watched the slow rise and fall of his chest just barely telling that he was alive.

"Can yew hear me; fuck why are yew so stupid? I fucking hate yew….Stu…Stuart come on wake up, I'm so sorry….Yer too young to die yew aren't….No yer not going to die, I'm not going to let yew."

He heard foot steps coming closer and held the younger man's body closer expecting it to be the man who had shot him. If it was him then Murdoc was going to murder him, he would rip his guts out and strangle him with them. The bassist snarled and looked over surprised to see several people including his other two band mates standing there looking at the scene before them.

"What happened?" Russel asked as he slowly walked towards the two of them.

He kneeled down next to Murdoc and placed a hand on the older man's arm gently pushing trying to get him to release his tight grip on the singer. The bassist loosened up allowing the possessed man to get a good look at what was going on; his white eyes went wide as he looked at the wound in the blue haired man's chest. He slowly looked back up at Murdoc, he opened his mouth a couple of times trying to speak but nothing came out for awhile.

"Just call a fucking ambulance. Somebody call a bloody ambulance." Murdoc yelled angrily.

"What happened?" Russel finally managed out again his voice softer this time.

The bassist could hear shocked whispers, the sound of a girl crying, and somebody hurriedly trying to explain the situation and location on the phone.

"That…T'at…a guy…Guy in t'e bar I got in a fight with…He was gonna shoot me…2D came out an…and…It's my fucking fault, he shouldn't have come out here…The guy fucking shot him."

He felt like he was losing his mind, he couldn't stop looking at 2D. He kept waiting for this to not be real; he kept waiting for it to just be some hellish nightmare that he'd wake up from. He would wake up in his Winnie and go into the living room to see 2D and Noodle on the couch watching movies and talking about idiotic things like they always did. He just wanted to wake up, from whatever horrible binge trip he was on he just wanted to wake up from it.

Russel placed a hand on the older man's shoulder squeezing gently, Murdoc glanced over at him trying to smile, but he couldn't.

"He's going to die an' it's my fault." Murdoc mumbled.

He felt a chill run up his spine at the way he said it, how sure it felt in his mind. This was all his fault, most likely he was going to die, but he'd lived his life. 2D was still young, he had so many years to live, and dumb things to do. He wasn't supposed to go falling in love with green skinned drunks and then going and getting shot for them.

The sounds of the sirens approaching were deafening, after that point everything seemed to go by in blurs. He remembered Russel having to pull him away from the blue haired man, remembered throwing a fit when the paramedics wouldn't let him go with them because he wasn't family. During most of the car ride to the hospital he was blank almost like he wasn't there at all, he could hear Noodle crying in the back seat and Russel trying his hardest to calm the young girl down. At the hospital he remembered trailing slowly behind his band mates, sitting in one of the cold metal chairs blankly watching nurses and doctors walking back and forth sometimes looking at him. He nearly forgot that he was beaten up and covered in the other man's blood. He forgot that his band mates were even there, somebody told him that the police would want to talk to him soon.

It felt like years before a doctor finally approached them holding a clipboard, a awkwardly depressive look on his aged face as he looked over the three of them in the waiting room.

"I'm sorry, but the bullet pierced into his heart. If we removed it then he would have died and even without removing it there wasn't anything that we could do."

After that everything else just sounded like static. Murdoc felt his body go numb; the doctor said something else probably about forms and a room number. The bassist stood and followed his two shell shocked band mates into the elevator and up to the singer's hospital room. Murdoc thought over the times he'd been to hospitals because of 2D, every time the singer was in a hospital it was the Satanist fault.

When they got into the room nobody really knew what to do, Noodle just clung to Russel's side and began crying again. The drummer held the young girl closely stroking her purple hair; Murdoc looked away from the two of them and slowly made his way over to the hospital bed. He looked at the machine with its flat lines, the tubes going into the younger man's nose and the IV hooked into his arm.

"Why are yew so fucking stupid? Don't ya know t'at yew shouldn't die for me, I was supposed to die, not yew. Please wake up."

With that he began crying, he hadn't cried since he was a little kid. Usually due to the abuse at home and the abuse at school, the action was foreign to him anymore. It was something he generally deemed as weak, but here he was sobbing, he traced his fingers along the younger man's jaw line shocked at how ice cold his skin was. He could feel his friends staring at him, but he ignored them at this point he didn't care about anything. He leaned down pressing his lips to 2D's; he brushed his fingers through his matted hair before pulling back. Murdoc turned and walked out of the room, he could feel his band mates eyes on him as he left, and honestly anything that had ever mattered to him didn't mean shit anymore.


	3. Chapter Two

When they finally arrived back at Kong Murdoc went to his Winnie, he never even said a word, or looked at the other two. He didn't want to talk about what happened he didn't want to remember the past couple of hours, he just wanted to be alone. He grabbed a bottle of rum off the counter top and made his way towards his bed; he stopped and looked at his reflection in the full length mirror hanging on the wall. His shirt and jeans were stained with 2D's blood; the clothes were sticking to his skin leaving him feeling gross and itchy. He knew he should take them off, throw them away, but he couldn't get himself to do that.

He sat down on his bed and began drinking; usually the burn of alcohol made him forget things or just made his thoughts less painful. It wasn't working this time though, if anything it was just making it worse than it was when he was sober. He knew that he was still in shock, that his mind was still trying to adjust to this, and convince him that this was all real. He didn't want to accept it or believe it though; he wanted to go into the deepest form of denial humanly possible and never come out of it. He felt like crying, but he couldn't, the moment they got back to Kong he had stopped crying. He had no real grasp on what he was feeling or what was happening anymore. He just kept wondering when it'd turn out to be a lie, when somebody would tell him 2D wasn't really dead. He would glance towards the door just waiting for the blue haired idiot to start knocking asking the bassist to come talk to him.

He wondered if Noodle and Russel were still in the living room or if they had just gone off to their own rooms for the remainder of the night. He wondered what tomorrow would be like; the police told him they wanted to talk to him tomorrow evening about what happened. He thought over it and the guy who had attacked him, he wondered if they would actually find the man…If they would even fucking look for him, he knew cops well enough to know that half the time they didn't even try.

He still hated 2D for what he did; he had the strongest urge to storm into the younger man's bedroom and just scream at him for being such an idiot. He couldn't do that though, he wasn't there….He was in the hospital down in the basement…

"Stop it"

He threw the bottle against the wall watching as the glass cracked and the alcohol that was left in the bottle began spilling onto the floor. He knotted his fingers in his hair and began tugging at it as he groaned in frustration. There was no way that any of this was real, 2D wasn't dead why would he be? He was still so fucking young; Murdoc knew that was a dumb reason. Death didn't care what age you were or how good of a person you were, it just took you when it saw that it had to. This time it wasn't right though, that bullet was meant for the bassist. He couldn't understand how somebody he had treated so badly could actually risk their own life for his, he wasn't worth that. He thought about the kiss, 2D confessing that he was in love with him. If he had known it would have saved both of their lives he would have kissed him back, even if he didn't say he loved him back he should have kept him there. Kept all of this from happening, he wondered if he could have actually given the younger man a good life…No man in his family had ever given their lovers a good life why would he be any different?

"I'm sorry"

With that he began crying again, he actually wanted to cry. The sounds of his heavy breathing and the occasional whimper killed the silence, silence that felt like it was going to eventually suffocate him. He needed to hear something; he dug his nails into his scalp focusing on the slight burning sensation in his skin. His face still hurt from where the guy had hit him, everything hurt; his head was throbbing and his chest felt heavy. He hoped that he would just die from all of this, he wasn't used to crying, and doing it scared him.

He got out of his bed and stumbled out of the Winnie into the darkened car lot. The air felt cold, everything around him felt completely void of life. That and the alcohol in his system made him feel temporarily dizzy, it was almost like everybody had vanished off of the Earth and he was the only one left. It used to be that he would threaten to kill 2D, tell him how worthless he was…hell even his last real words to him he had told him those things, insulted him, and made him cry….Why did he have to fucking do that, why did he have to hit him and shove him away like that? Right, because he didn't know that not long after that he would be holding the singer's body in his arms.

He stumbled through the car lot feeling unnerved by the sound of his shoes hitting against the pavement echoing through the empty area. Every little sound made him feel nervous like he was trying to sneak around, hiding from something that would be attracted to the sounds he was making, and would kill him. He stopped outside of 2D's bedroom and stared at the door; he placed his hand on the door knob and took a deep breath before turning and pushing the door open.

He walked into the room shutting and locking the door behind him; he flipped the light on, and looked around the vacated bedroom. He let out a shaky breath and leaned back against the door, what had he expected?

The room was empty, of course it was empty there wouldn't be anybody in there ever again.

Everything looked the way it had that morning; 2D's room always looked like Hell, almost as bad as Murdoc's room actually. There were always clothes on the floor, notebooks everywhere, and pill bottles littered the night stand. He wondered if the vocalist even really needed the damned pills as much as he claimed that he did. Sometimes the Satanist would take them and hide them from him just to see how much of a panic attack he would have looking for them. Usually he ended up giving them back when 2D would start crying or freaking out to the point it made him uncomfortable, he was never honestly sure why he bullied him the way that he did…He wasn't sure why 2D could love somebody who just abused him every chance that they got.

Murdoc sat down on the bed and grabbed one of the orange pill bottles. He dumped three pills into the palm of his hand and popped them into his mouth swallowing them. He had taken the medications before, mostly when he'd have a horrible hang over, or wanted to get high. Usually 2D would get pissed off at him if he was just stealing them for recreational purposes, but if he actually needed them the younger man didn't really seem to mind.

He lay back on the bed and stared up at the graffiti stained ceiling. It seemed like any room the vocalist had he had to tag the hell out of it, when they would tour he would give every hotel room that treatment. Usually the owners of the buildings would get pissed off and threaten to remove the blue haired man until Murdoc paid them to stop complaining or threatened them. Afterwards he would end up beating 2D up for acting like such a child, he always acted like a mentally retarded little kid or something. He never really thought about anything, he was slightly neurotic, slow, zoned out almost constantly, and laughed at the dumbest of things.

He didn't deserve to die though. Every time he thought about it, tried to shove that fact into his mind it was quickly rejected. He glanced over at the digital clock to see it was nearly four in the morning, the others were probably asleep. Murdoc could feel the drugs starting to take effect; he curled up on his side burying his face into the pillow that smelled a hell of a lot like the younger man. He always had such a girlie smell to him, Murdoc used to mock him for it, but in reality he liked it.

He closed his eyes and went back in his mind going back to before 2D kissed him. He thought over it again, wondered what would have happened if he had just kissed him back. Things could have been better, they could have went back home, and had sex. There never would have been a confrontation with some asshole in a pub, no alleyway, and no gun. If he thought over it enough maybe he could change reality to the way that he knew it should be. He fell asleep to the thought of things he wish could have happened, fantasies he wished could be real, and hoped that in the morning he could wake up with 2D by his side.


	4. Chapter Three

Murdoc woke up in the morning his eyes felt sore and his head was throbbing dully. He opened his eyes and looked around feeling confused for a moment; he sat up and looked around the singer's bedroom. All at once the memories from the night before hit him, flashing through his mind sending a sharp dizzying pain through his head, he closed his eyes and pinched at the bridge of his nose and shivered.

He opened his eyes again and looked around the room feeling like he shouldn't even be in there. He looked down at his blood stained clothes trying to get himself to process the fact that they were stained with 2D's blood. He got up from the bed and left the room going back to his own space; he removed his clothes and threw them in a corner in his room. He grabbed a pair of jeans from under the bed and pulled them on then put on a shirt that he found on top of his dresser. He looked back at the bloodied clothes in the corner knowing that he should throw them away, but he wouldn't. He considered just staying in his room all day, it was nearly noon now…He had to talk to the police later today, they would be calling asking him to come down to the station to answer some questions…He could always just reschedule though, he knew the longer he put off the longer it'd be until they looked for 2D's murderer…He didn't want that, he wanted to see the man fry…not like that would happen though, he knew the justice system and they were always so fucking kind with people like them.

He left the Winnie and went into the main parts of the building. He didn't really want to see his band mates, he didn't want to see Noodle crying anymore, or see what state Russel was in. He didn't want to talk about funeral arrangements, what had happened, or about how they would tell everybody. He didn't want to think about those things, as far as he was concerned 2D was still alive and he would come back…He had told the singer that he wouldn't let him die…Why did he keep telling him things that he didn't mean?

Murdoc stopped in the living room, he looked over at the couch that was vacated then up at the blank big screen TV that hung on the wall. Usually 2D and Noodle would be sitting on the couch playing video games or watching some old zombie horror movie, movies the blue haired man knew every word to and would usually mouth every line. The bassist had always thought it was cute even if he was never willing to admit that, there were a lot of things he wasn't willing to admit…Not like any of it mattered now. He started to feel the urge to cry again and quickly left the living room.

Russel was sitting at the kitchen table staring off; he looked up at the sound of the older man's foot steps on the floor. Murdoc sat down across from him wondering what he should say if anything, he knew that the drummer was thinking the same thing.

"What happened in the bar last night between you and 'D? I saw you hit him." Russel asked his voice sounded distant like he wasn't completely there mentally.

"He kiss me….Told me t'at he's in love with me so I hit him, called him worthless….Then he left." The older man replied his voice sounded cold, factual, he hated it.

He hated what he just said, he hated that it ever happened. He shouldn't have hit him; he should have kissed him back. He should have held him tightly and never let him go, but that wasn't the way he'd ever done things. He never did things the way that he was supposed to; he took the route that resulted in the most pain.

"What about the guy?"

"He saw us…Came up to me, insulted me, and I scratched him…When I went out to the alley he came up behind me, attacked me…he was goin' to shoot me right between t'e eyes, but t'en somebody pulled him away…He hit me with t'e gun an' I blacked out for awhile…When I woke back up 2D was lying on the ground."

He would never get the image of the singer lying there on the ground motionless out of his head. It bothered him that that night was the last time he would ever see the younger man again. It bothered him that those were the last words he would ever say to him, the last time he would ever touch him. He felt sickened at how badly he had always treated him, he wondered if 2D knew that a lot of times he never meant the things he said to him or that he never really meant to hit him as hard as he did sometimes. He wondered if he died thinking that the bassist really did hate him that much; he died for somebody he thought hated him. Murdoc felt the urge to cry again; he got up and grabbed a bottle of beer out of the fridge then sat back down not even looking at Russel anymore.

"You're going to talk to the cops today, right?"

"Where's Noodle at?" Murdoc asked changing the topic.

The younger man remained silent for a moment before answering.

"She's in her bedroom, I spent most of the night talking to her about what happened…She finally just kind of cried herself to sleep, she's really shaken up over this…Hell I think we all are, especially you."

Murdoc looked up at the drummer trying to read into what he said.

"W'at do yew mean by that?"

"You were there with him and…Look I've never seen you cry before and in the hospital when you kissed him, I'm just saying this is affecting you a bit more than us."

"W'at do yew t'ink that I was in love with him? I'm not in fucking love with him, he's a fucking moron who did something stupid and died because of it." The bassist yelled angrily.

"You don't have to pretend you're a bad ass anymore Murdoc, its fine that you're upset…We all are…I think we need to start planning things…"

"No I don't want to talk about that got it?"

"We can't just keep this quiet, we have to tell people, and we have to have a funeral."

"Will yew just shut the fuck up; I told you I don't want to talk about it." Murdoc replied angrily his voice cracking.

He knew he was going to cry, Hell his eyes were still puffy and red from last night. He felt like a cornered animal pretending it was bigger than it really was, that's how he'd lived his life. Pretending he was somebody much bigger than he really was while on the inside he was scared shitless ready to just hide away in some corner and wait for the world to just leave him the hell alone.

"We'll talk about in later when you're calmer…We need each other right now, that's the only way we'll get through this. You can't just shut everybody out right now, it isn't healthy…I know that from experience."

"Yer friends never fucking left they just went inside that over sized head of yers. Don't even fucking pretend t'at yew know w'at t'is is like for me….I'll talk to t'e fucking cops today and I'll talk wit' yew over the funeral arrangements, but other than t'at stay the hell away from me."

With that he stood up and kicked the chair he had been sitting in over, Russel flinched at the sound of the chair banging against the tiled floor. Murdoc turned and walked out of the room making his way back to the car lot and back into his home on wheels. He slammed and locked the door behind him, grabbed another bottle, and flopped down on his bed. Seconds later he was crying again, his back, and stomach were aching with every heavy sob. Every bad moment his life was racing through his mind, everything no matter whose fault it was. He closed his eyes tightly and whimpered in pain, he smacked the palm of his hand against his forehead and let out a low growl. He was so sick of this, he felt like he was going to puke. He wished that 2D was there, that he could just tell him that everything was alright, that this was all some horrible fucking nightmare that he could wake up now. He knew he needed to compose himself long enough to go to the police station, knew that he had to be cold enough to handle funeral arrangements, and had to be drunk enough to go through with the funeral itself.

He wasn't prepared for any of this, because on the inside he was just a scared little boy wishing the world would just leave him the fuck alone.


	5. Chapter Four

Murdoc spent most of his time going between his bedroom and 2D's. Some nights he would just pass out drunk on his bed then others he would cry himself to sleep curled on the singer's bed usually after taking a few of his migraine medications. He hadn't seen Russel or Noodle too much over the past week, the last time he had talked to the drummer was to talk about the funeral. He hadn't even been there when they announced their singer's passing to everybody, of course magazines and people on forums were questioning why Murdoc hadn't been there, why he hadn't said anything. Most of them seemed to think it was because he just didn't give a fuck, he loved how wrong they were.

He was amazed at how strong Noodle was staying, she would cry, but most of the time she was solid and very well composed. He envied how she could do that, he wondered if she learned that from him…how to just shut her emotions away long enough to do whatever it was that needed to be done, and then let them out when the time was right. Murdoc tried doing that, but he couldn't; when he talked to the cops he had been slightly drunk. They weren't really pleased with his state of mind while speaking to them, but he didn't care he told the bastards what they wanted to know. After that he had spent his day drinking and doing drugs until he vomited then passed out on his bathroom floor.

He wondered how pissed 2D would be if he saw him like that…he wondered where he was right now, Murdoc wasn't sure why he was questioning that. Somebody that idiotic and innocent always ended up in Heaven, that place that the bassist would never know anything about other than from stories and myths….It frustrated him thinking that no matter what he would never see him again, dead or alive he'd never get to see his face again or apologize for all of the horrible things he had said and done.

At the moment he was flipping through a photo album that he had found under 2D's bed along with a few other things. He felt guilty going through the other man's things, but he felt like he needed to. When he looked through his books filled with lyrics, notes, and books full of photos he felt like he was still alive.

He looked at a photo of the younger man back before he knew Murdoc, back when he had two beautiful blue eyes, and still had all of his teeth in tact. In the photo he was wearing his school uniform and had his arm flung around the shoulders of another boy, both of them grinning like idiots. He wished that he had known him then, wished that they had grown up in the same town…he wondered if 2D would have talked to him, most likely he would have, he probably would have followed Murdoc around like he did in adult life.

He turned the page and looked over later photos. Photos where his eyes were black and his front two teeth were missing, but he still looked happy. There were plenty of times where Murdoc had caught him off guard, noticed him being depressed. The second he brought it to the singer's attention he would feign a smile and pretend that everything was alright. The bassist always felt irritated that he lied that way, that he didn't want to share what was wrong with him…Then again it wasn't like Murdoc was very open, he never really let the younger man just talk and express himself. Usually he ended up insulting him, sometimes he didn't though…There would be times usually when he was drunk where he would be open, exposed…he wondered if those were the times that made 2D fall in love with him.

Those times they could just sit outside looking over the landfill late at night. Times they would sit there drinking and smoking cigarettes, where Murdoc would tell him horrors from his childhood, and express his phobias. Those moments where 2D would reassure him and do his best to make him feel better, those little moments where he would let his guard down long enough to relax physically and mentally; he would even let 2D touch him sometimes. Let 2D place his hand over his, touch his cheek, in return he would brush his fingers through the singer's spiked hair. Sometimes he had wanted to kiss him, he never understood why he would feel that way.

He closed the book and sat it to the side. He grabbed up a tattered blue note book and after flipping through it for a bit he realized it was 2D's diary. He smiled sadly as a few tears ran down his cheeks; he used to give the younger man such shit for writing in a diary. Secretly he always found it kind of cute; his feminine habits were always like that. Most of the words were misspelled which was expected, most of the entries were just babbling about tour, numbers, and about things he'd done that day.

'Paula's gone…Russel found her and Murdoc in the bathroom stall together, I loved her, and it hurts that she did this to me….I'm more upset with Mudz though, I can't believe he would hurt me like this, he always says how much he hates her. He tried talking to me, his nose is broken, and he told me that he really didn't mean it. He said he just wanted to get her out of his band and that she isn't good for me anyways. I don't believe him, I wish I was more upset over Paula cheating than Murdoc shagging her…I'm thinking about leaving the band.'

Murdoc hated that day; he had been drunker than hell when it had happened. Honestly he didn't remember too much about it; he knew Paula had been hitting on him more than she usually did. The damned bird always stared at him and touched him; finally he just got sick of it. He mostly did it out of disgust to see if she was really low enough she would have sex with him and he was right. He had felt repulsed the entire time; he deserved getting his nose broken for it. He was happy that she was finally gone, she didn't deserve 2D's affection, and she sure as hell hadn't been good enough to be in Murdoc's band. The only problem was how angry the singer had been, Murdoc had never seen him that pissed off. He tried playing it off like no big deal, but it didn't work. After that he just ended up begging, but 2D slammed the door in his face and didn't talk to him again until Noodle arrived on their door step.

After that were a few pages about the Japanese girl, the moment she arrived 2D and Russel had been automatically attached to her. Wondering where exactly she came from, wondering about her family, her real name, and why she could play guitar as well as she could. She spent most of her first month at Kong sleeping in 2D's room; she was always so fascinated by his appearance. She would end up pulling at his hair or trying to poke at his black eyes to see if they really were there. After awhile the entries went back to their normal ramblings and talking about tour, the shows, and the crazy shit fans would say or do.

'There has to be something wrong with me I don't know why I care about him this much. All he ever does is beat me up and tell me that I'm worthless, he doesn't even like me. I know if I told him that it got to me he'd just tell me to toughen up or stop being such a girl, he's always telling me that…I keep looking at him, sometimes he catches me, then hits me for it…Most times he has no idea, he thinks I'm completely brain dead, but I'm not….I had another dream about him again, I wish it would just stop.'

According to the date the entry had to be around the time they were in Germany. Murdoc remembered the younger man acting stranger then, he hit a lot in that time frame. He hated himself back then, hated that he made 2D feel that way. It scared him when the blue haired man looked at him, when he would stare at him, or into him…it was like he could see past all of the bull shit, but obviously he couldn't.

'I love him, I Stu Pot am actually in love with Murdoc Faust Niccals. What's wrong with me? I know that he hates me, but I can't stop it….I can't stop looking at him or thinking about him, I want to tell him…Sometimes he's really nice to me, there are just moments where he's kind of human, and I think that maybe he likes me. Maybe I am as stupid as he tells me I am, I keep doing things that I think impress him…Acting like a prick in interviews and stuff like that, it makes him laugh…I like when he's actually happy, it doesn't happen much. Even if it's at my expense I don't mind, I really wish that I wasn't in love with him though…God he would kill me if he ever found out about this.'

The entry was dated back about two years ago. Murdoc closed the book and tossed it to the side. He placed his face in his hands and growled in frustration, he felt angry at himself. Everything that he read made him hate himself more, he wondered if this would ever go away. It had been over a week now since 2D died, soon enough there would be a funeral…He already told Russel his one and only real condition about it; 2D had to be buried in the landfill, he didn't want him anywhere else.


	6. Chapter Five

The funeral was nice as far as a funeral could go; most of the people they had ever worked with were there along with friends and 2D's family members. Murdoc didn't want to be there at all, he mostly went out of respect for the singer, and because Noodle wanted him to be there. He stayed in the back away from everybody else avoiding their questions and condolences. He didn't want pity or apologies; he just wanted everybody to leave him alone. It had been weeks now; nearing into a month…It still felt new, it was weird for him to see everybody so solemn. Every day it seemed like his friends were slowly moving on, getting better at dealing with it while he got worse. At this point he rarely went to his own room; he spent most of his days and nights in 2D's. Nobody really bothered him lately; Russel had given up on talking to him. Noodle still tried on occasion though, she would go into the vocalist room usually to find the bassist curled up on the bed crying. He never told her off like he did with everybody else; she looked so sad and lost. Sometimes she would just do what Murdoc spent most days doing; going through the blue haired man's notebooks and photos, other times she would try and attempt a conversation with the Satanist. The conversations never lasted for too long, after that she would usually leave, and go back to her own bedroom.

He spent most of the funeral just waiting for it to be over. Sometimes people would look at him then whisper something to one another; he didn't care what they were saying. A lot of people still seemed to think that he just didn't care, that this meant nothing to him. He didn't care that complete strangers thought that he hated 2D, but he cared that the blue haired man died thinking that….He had to have known other wise, some part of him had to have known that Murdoc actually cared about him. He knew he didn't show it enough times, that he rarely told him he was beautiful, but he had told him.

After everything was over he managed to get away from everybody without anybody noticing. For the first time in days he went into his own room, grabbed a bottle of beer out of the fridge, and lay down on his bed.

He wondered if the police were any closer to catching the singer's murderer. He sort of hoped the man was never caught, that nature would take its course and he would just be randomly murdered. Murdoc didn't want to sit through trials and have to look at that dirty fucker, he didn't want to pretend he didn't have an over whelming urge to slit him from ear to ear. He couldn't hold that in, he knew he would have to ask Russel to go with him, but that was only if the police ever found and arrested the man. Sometimes he considered just looking for him himself, finding him, and skinning him alive. He wanted him to feel every bit of pain he caused 2D and him, but he wouldn't do anything. He knew himself well enough to know he talked and planned more than he ever did things.

"God I miss yew" Murdoc whispered.

He was crying again, his head started hurting, but not as bad as it usually did.

"I want yew back, so fucking badly."

He dropped the empty beer bottle to the floor and curled up on his side pulling his legs up against himself.

"Fucking moron making me miss yew like this…I should be getting over it by now, not worse…I think I'm losing my mind, I just wish this was a nightmare….I want yew back, I want to apologize to yew….I…Fuck."

He closed his eyes tightly feeling stupid and ashamed for crying. His body shook and he whimpered softly, he just wished all of this would be over.


	7. Chapter Six

It took three months, but they finally caught him. The man's name was William Bloodburg; he was in his late twenties, just graduated college, and apparently had been in trouble with the police a few times prior. Mostly for drug possession, he usually got arrested for having meth or cocaine on him. Sometimes he would get in trouble for assault in stores or pubs; the police got a call from a young woman saying that her boyfriend was stoned and had just beaten her and threatened her life. When they found him they realized it was the same man who had murdered 2D three months back, the man went on murder, assault, and drug charges. When Murdoc got the call about it he just felt numb, he thought he'd feel pleased to some extent, but he didn't.

He just dreaded having to sit through the trial, having to sit there and look at that bastard. Listen to him explain himself, he probably didn't even remember killing 2D. He probably didn't even fucking care that he killed somebody who never did anything to him. After the call Murdoc had went into the living room and asked Russel to go with him, he gave a short explanation that he needed somebody to keep him from jumping and strangling William. The drummer understood completely, Noodle had wanted to go too, but they told her that it wouldn't be good for her emotionally to have to go and sit through all of that.

The trials went the way that Murdoc had expected them to. He listened to lawyers pretending that they cared about the people they were defending go on and on about evidence and excuses. They just cared about their pay checks; Murdoc could see the dollar signs in their eyes. He felt a bit bad for the girlfriend, she looked bad…She even had a broken arm and burn marks on her cheek that looked like they were from a cigarette. When she saw the bassist she gave him a sad smile then looked away letting her long brown hair fall over her face concealing her scars. It was the first time he felt even the smallest bit of pity for somebody other than himself in the past few months. They asked her a lot of questions about drugs, if it was the first time he hit her even though it was obvious that it hadn't been. Once they were through with her they let her go, after that they turned their focus on the murder.

Murdoc was the only one to actually witness anything. Anybody else just showed up after everything was said and done; they told about the confrontation inside the pub how William had called him a queer and threatened him. After that Murdoc, William, and 2D were the only ones who knew what happened. The bassist managed to re-answer questions he had heard half a million times by now, he was sick of them and his answers all sounded mechanical when he gave them. He hated having to think over it, relive that night in his mind, and replay it all over again. Somehow he thought when he talked about it that it'd be easier that just maybe he could get the fuck over it. If anything it just made him feel hollowed, like a huge part of him really was missing.

The trial seemed to go on for hours until it was dismissed and everybody was sent back home. When the cops were guiding William out of the room the man turned and grinned at the Satanist showing pride in all of his violent actions. Russel actually had to grab tightly onto the older man's arm to keep him from beating the bastard to death.

Outside there were reporters, probably a dozen or more; the sound of their talking, yelling, and cameras going off drove him crazy and made his head throb more than it already was.

"How do you feel, do you really care about your band's singer being dead?"

"There's a rumor going around that you and 2D were actually dating, is that true?"

"Did you let him die on purpose?"

Murdoc gritted his teeth and dug his sharpened nails into the palms of his hands. He was so sick of this; a man with a microphone was standing too close to him. He grabbed the man by the collar of his shirt shoving him away knocking him into a woman both of them fell to the ground. More people crowded around him and Russel seeming pissed off by his action.

"Sod off, one more fucking question, or one more of yew fucking leeches touches me I will kill yew." He yelled glaring at each of them in turn.

Most of them went silent at the threat, a few were still babbling on. He shoved them out of his way and made his way over to the car getting in and slamming the door shut. Russel climbed in on the passenger side and stared at him, he didn't speak until they were out on the street far away from all of the chaos.

"That was a dumb fucking move."

"Well they asked dumb fucking questions so w'at do yew expect?" Murdoc spat bitterly.

"You really look like shit, more than usual…You aren't handling this the right way, you're always in his room crying…Noodle told me you've been doing that a lot, I think she's almost more worried about you than I am." The younger man said his voice sounding concerned.

The bassist gripped tightly to the steering wheel biting back all of his rage and depression that was battling inside of him.

"Thanks for pointing t'at out; sorry I can't fucking keep up with my appearance after my best mate dies. I think t'at I'm allowed to cry, I'm not the emotionless prick yew nobs t'ink t'at I am."

"I didn't mean that…Man why do you have to keep acting like this, we just want to help you."

"I don't need yer sodding help; I just want to be alone." He said his voice softer this time.

He was so tired of being angry, he didn't even have the energy for that anymore. Hell even drinking and doing drugs was becoming a chore; it all took too much energy and too much time. It made him think of all the times 2D would tell him that he wished he would drink less and stop doing so many drugs. He was so scared that the Satanist would just end up dying, why did he care so fucking much?

"It isn't healthy Muds; you have to talk to us."

"Talk, yew want me to talk? Fine I'll fucking talk; ever since he died I haven't stopped crying, this is the most sober I've been for I don't even know how long…I spend most of my nights curled up with his pillow crying and pretending he's alive, I hate t'at the last fucking thing I said to him is that he's worthless. I hate that the last thing I did to him was hit him. This is my entire fault, I blame myself every day for what happened, and don' fucking tell me other wise."

He smiled to himself when the younger man didn't reply; he actually stayed quiet for most of the trip back to Kong.

"Were you in love with him?" Russel asked cautiously.

Murdoc pulled into the parking garage and turned the engine off. He kept staring straight ahead biting at the inside of his mouth thinking over the question.

"I don't know."

"If you ever want to actually talk we're here for you." Russel replied as he climbed out of the car and went inside the house.

The bassist leaned back in his seat closing his eyes and sighing heavily. His stomach hurt and he felt like just passing out. He hated that in the morning he had to do this all over again, he had to sit and stare at that smug mother fucker for another day. The bastard didn't care, he was happy that he murdered somebody, he only hated he got caught. Murdoc didn't even bother getting out of the car and going to his bed, he unfastened his seat belt and curled up in the seat falling asleep there.


	8. Chapter Seven

After about a week the trials were finally over, it was the last chapter for this whole ordeal. Like all the other times he made sure that Russel was there with him to keep him under control. William chose to go with the insanity plea saying that he heard voices and that the meth had made him insane, claimed some bull shit about being molested growing up, and that was why he abused his girlfriend and why he had been so disgusted by 2D and Murdoc in the pub. By that point Murdoc could see what direction it was going to go in, soon enough they received the call saying the jury had made their decision.

Most of the people in the court room were out raged when the judge said that William was getting off with his insanity plea, that he would be taken to a mental institution a few cities away, that he would spend most of his life in there until he showed signs of getting better. Russel had been out raged and Noodle had cried when they told her, a lot of people had to be removed from the court room because they were so pissed. Murdoc had been passive about the decision; he had expected something like it or for him to just be let off completely. He could see how visibly upset William's girlfriend was, he felt for the young woman, but he was still rather consumed in his own torment. As they took him out of the court room he made sure his eyes were locked on Murdoc's that wicked psychopathic Cheshire cat like grin plastered on his face like he had accomplished something grand by getting away with murder and abuse.

The first thing Murdoc did was run to the restroom and vomit. He couldn't deal with any of this. Every single thing that happened brought him closer to having to accept that 2D was really gone. The funeral, the arrest, the trial, the reports, the interviews, and the months that went by; everything was blending and left him feeling like his world was completely dead and gone. He was horrified that one little person could make him feel this way, make him hate himself, and the world around him. He had been okay before 2D was around, he hadn't been great…Honestly he had been a drug addicted mess with barely any cash who feared for his life constantly. When he met 2D even when he was in his comatose state he had been somebody, something pure, somebody he could confess his problems and secrets to. Somebody who when they woke up even with all of the physical damage done wanted to stay around, thought of the Satanist as some sort of a mortal God. No matter how angry he got at Murdoc he always stayed around, even the first time the band broke up it had been because of Murdoc. He knew that if given the chance the singer would have followed him, would have apologized for pissing him off so badly that night.

He always apologized so fucking much even when it wasn't his fault. Murdoc slammed his face against a wall, 2D apologized, he knocked his teeth out, broke his arm, blackened his eye, or strangled him half to death the singer apologized for it. It always pissed him off that he was that way that he refused to really show aggression towards the bassist. He wished one time that he would have told him off, told him that he hated him, and wanted nothing more to do with him…No instead the last thing he ever told Murdoc was that he was in love with him.

"Are you alright?" Russel's voice echoed through the empty men's bathroom.

Murdoc wiped his mouth with the back of his hand and shakily stood to his feet gripping onto the stall door for support. He walked out nodding his head, his body shook, and his stomach felt empty.

"I don't give a shit what you say, but I'm taking you home and making you fucking eat something. Even by your standards you really look like shit."

"F-fuck off."

The drummer grabbed him by the arm and dragged him out of the bathroom. The building was nearly emptied out and for once there weren't a dozen reporters waiting to attack them with ignorant questions. The ride home was spent in silence to which Murdoc was grateful for. Once they were home Russel had Noodle sat with the Satanist to make sure he didn't leave, he tried talking to the guitarist for a bit. He hadn't seen her too much, being around her made him feel guilty for not wondering how she was dealing with all of this. Other than the obvious signs of crying she seemed okay, she even faked a smile for him and told him she was concerned about his well being. He patted the girl on the top of the head and leaned his head back against the couch muttering that she didn't need to worry about him.

A few minutes later Russel came into the room with a plate and sat it down on the table in front of the older man. Murdoc stared down at the food then up at the drummer.

"Look you either eat it yourself or I force you to." He said smirking.

The bassist growled before he picked the fork up and began eating while the younger man watched him. He tried to remember the last time he had actually eaten; he knew it had been a long while. Honestly he was just hoping that all of the drugs and the alcohol would kill him, he was starting to run low on 2D's migraine medication. He mostly took them because they made him think of the singer, he felt so pathetic for behaving this way. Over somebody he had always treated so horribly, his mind was always on repeat with his thoughts. He knew his friends wanted to pull him out of it; he envied them for getting better. Sometimes they smiled or laughed at something, they talked about different things, and actually went out of the house to go shopping or talk to people they met through the years.

He hated they got over it though, it felt too soon to stop crying. Then again they didn't have the same amount of guilt building up inside of them that Murdoc had. Once he was finished eating he got up and went out to his Winnie making sure the door was locked behind him so that way nobody could come and bother him. They never really tried, it had always been a rule that nobody bothered him there…Except for 2D, he would bother him there, and Murdoc generally just let him.

The bassist picked up a bottle and threw it against a wall watching the glass shatter and fall to the ground. He felt the anger and the resentment coursing through him; after that he began throwing and tearing up everything in his reach. Every skull, jar, knife, and article of clothing, photo, magazine, and even instruments he destroyed. Before he knew it his room was littered with glass and papers, his fingers were cut up and bleeding, his arms and head were aching and for once he kind of enjoyed the pain. He picked a large book up off of the small kitchen table and was ready to hurl it until he looked at the title and realized what it was.

Years ago one of the things he managed to get when he started studying about Satanism was a book filled with rituals and different types of magic. It showed you how to summon any thing you wanted, it got to the point where you could change the weather or turn the TV on by snapping your fingers. During their first tour he had played around with the spells inside the book, mostly calling out imps, pixies, snakes, and anything else that in the world of black magic was just child's play. The prices to the spells he played with were always rather small, usually a bit of your blood, or the blood of a small or medium sized animal. A few herbs, salts, and things like that and before you knew it you had some demonic little creature running around your hotel room. His band mates always got so pissed off at him for playing with such dark things, especially when he couldn't figure out how to get rid of them. They always made Russel really paranoid especially with his intense fear of death and the things that were crawling in the depths of Hell. It never made the drummer feel too much at ease knowing that they were living in a building that was based around a portal to hell.

Murdoc sat down in one of the kitchen chairs that he hadn't tossed around and began flipping through the worn pages of the skin bound book. He remembered resurrection spells; he had used them before actually. There were a lot of them; some brought back a dead person's soul, some put a person's essence into objects for you to keep, and others brought the dead back as a mindless rotting drone who was your slave until you decided to send them back to wherever you got them from. He had used them all, for awhile there he had been rather mental, even he had to confess to that. As far as Russel knew the book was gone, but it had cost him a good bit of cash and he was rather attached to it.

He smiled for the first time in ages when he found exactly what he was looking for. It was perfect, it was risky as hell mostly for himself, but it was perfect. The spell he was looking over was a slightly difficult one, painful, and strong, but it was what he needed.

"Perfect…No…No w'at t'e fuck am I thinking?"

He shook his head and pushed the book to the side.

He couldn't do this, the dead should stay dead. He remembered how much pain they were in when he brought them back just to use them for stupid things, he thought about how much pain the zombies around Kong usually were in…He wouldn't be a zombie though, he would just be himself…The ritual even promised that, it said several times that the dead would be in the state they were in before their death…That they wouldn't be a mindless flesh eating drone or a monster, they would be just fine, and if they weren't then Murdoc would make them pay for fucking him over…

It was wrong though, 2D was dead, and most likely off in a far better place than this world. He was probably happy, at peace. He didn't have to worry about Murdoc hating him or beating the living shit out of him constantly, there was no heart break, or migraines…He was fine, he was somewhere beautiful and nice, a place selfish people like Murdoc would never get to see.

He looked over the ritual again, he had everything in it. He read over the things, the tests that he would have to endure physically during the ritual, read about the resurrection demon, and its origins…It was much stronger than all of the other ones, more pure in what it was doing…He knew that this would cost him more than some blood and some burn marks on his skin, that was the down side…What if it wanted his soul the moment it brought 2D back?

No it wouldn't do that…Hell wanted him, but they knew he would never agree to something like that.

He knew he shouldn't do this, it was a horrible idea. He closed the book and put it in a cupboard above the sink and tried to force himself to forget all about it.


	9. Chapter Eight

Present time

It was just past midnight now; Murdoc looked up towards the darkened sky and the few stars dotting it giving the world just a little bit of light. He looked back down towards the cold ground where a duffel bag sat on the ground containing all of the things that he needed for the ritual. He looked at 2D's grave his eyes going over the writing once more; it was time for him to get started. He felt like he had lost his mind completely at this point. He had spent the last couple of months thinking over this, thinking about the ritual thinking about all of the things about it that were wrong. He wondered if the demon could be trusted, wondered if 2D would come back alright, and if he would want to be back at all. He thought over how he would tell people, what would happen, and how many people would be disgusted by this. He couldn't think of any lies to tell people, couldn't tell them that the death had been faked; he didn't want 2D getting hate for something he didn't do. He knew his band mates wouldn't react well, they would be disgusted and out raged at him for doing such a thing, but they didn't get it. While they were moving on almost like the blue haired man didn't even exist all Murdoc did was get worse each and every day. Even before leaving to do the ritual he had been crying, his mind was tearing itself apart and he was scared of where he would end up if he didn't do something about it.

He got the items out and set them up the way that he needed them. He spilled the salt on top of the grave in the pattern from the book, the one that represented the creature that he needed to summon. He pulled out the sheet and looked over the Latin words and began reading them out loud his voice the only sound that could be heard in the landfill.

Nothing happened for a bit as he read, he felt his heart sink as he read through the first couple of lines and nothing happened. A hot burning pain shot through his back causing him to cringe and the sky got darker, it was working. He continued reading pushing past the pain, he felt something sharp pressing against his neck and ignored it, breathing became more difficult, and he felt something wrapping firmly around his ankles. He read more loudly doing his best to not lose his voice or to cough; he felt a sharp stabbing sensation along his chest and stomach. Every part of him was in some form of pain and discomfort, but he didn't stop, or even falter. He refused to fuck this up, he read the final line, and the world around him grew darker making him think he was blacking out for a moment. He dropped the book and grabbed the dagger out of his jeans pocket, he held his hand out over the grave and dug the blade into his skin dragging it watching the blood bubble out and begin pouring. He clenched his hand in a fist causing the blood to run faster and drip into the ground. The Earth beneath his feet began to shake and the pain in his body intensified to the point he wanted to scream because of it.

Everything stilled and a tall figure came out of the shadows. The creature was a little bit taller than the bassist, he wore a black cloak that went down to the ground concealing his feet, there was a little opening in front and through that Murdoc could see the skeletal form of the demon, it's face was rotted and decayed, eyes shined a bright ruby red, teeth long and jagged fangs, and its fingers were nothing more than long curled claws. The demon perched on top of 2D's head stone and stared down with a look of amusement at the still shaking bassist, the pain was leaving but he was still shaking from the after shock of it all.

"Murdoc…What would you like?" it asked, its voice sounded gravely, and dead.

"Yew know what I want."

The demon grinned exposing its gnarled and rotted looking fangs.

"Right, Stuart…You do know that you were supposed to die that night, not him." The creature mused frowning now.

"Yeah I kinda figured that out."

"You've been crying"

"Just tell me what I owe yew." Murdoc snapped angrily.

The demon smiled again then laughed at the Satanist frustration.

"Are you sure that you want this?"

"Are yew going to bring him back like he was; his stupid, beautiful, trusting, idiotic self…If yew make him a zombie or some kind of brain eater I swear to God I will destroy yew and everything in Hell." The bassist warned angrily.

The demon laughed.

"I would never dream of doing that to you or any of my customers for that matter…You mean a lot to Hell, you have a lot of backed up deals with a lot of things down there."

He felt a bit more relaxed knowing that 2D would come back right, that he wouldn't be some creature to be feared or something to pity. He would just be the mindless boy he had always been.

"How much do I owe yew?"

"Tell me something…Are you in love with him?"

Murdoc felt annoyed, he didn't have time for this he just wanted his singer back. He didn't have time for this rotted creature asking him these stupid questions, he hated when they stalled they knew that it pissed him off and they loved it especially in a time where they knew that he was desperate.

"Yes I love him."

It was the first time he had ever said it; he'd avoided really thinking about it. If he never confessed it even to himself then maybe 2D being dead would hurt less…He could say it now though, now that the blue haired man would be back, now that it could actually mean something. The demon smiled and looked down at the ground below then back up at the bassist.

"Five years…After that we'll be needing your soul, it will be on the anniversary of his death. If you go back on your deal with us or try to run away then we'll take him back for good this time…He means a lot to you so I suggest you make it a good five years."

Murdoc nodded slowly taking in what the demon was saying.

"It's a deal, now just bring him back."

The creature jumped down off of the head stone and backed away from it.

"I suggest you start digging, it was a pleasure doing business with you Mr. Niccals."

With that it vanished and the sky cleared again. Murdoc picked the shovel up off of the ground and began digging as quickly as he could. It took nearly an hour, but he finally got the grave emptied out. He jumped down into the hole and could hear clawing at the lid of the coffin; he took the dagger and broke the lid off. He looked down into the box to see 2D lying there looking around frantically, his black eyes shining brightly, his skin pale and dirty, aqua blue hair tangled and down past his shoulders, he wore a white torn up dress shirt and black tie. He sat up gasping for air his body shaking, tears were running down his dirt stained face. Murdoc kneeled in front of him and reached his hand out cautiously brushing his fingers against his cheek. 2D stared up at him intensely, his body shook and he reached up a bloodied hand placing it over the bassist's. His skin was warm; his eyes fell closed as he nuzzled against the palm of the older man's hand.

Any doubts or bad sides to this vanished from his mind. He didn't care anymore, this was what he wanted he wasn't about to go another day living without 2D in his life.

"Come on let's get yew out of here." Murdoc said taking the younger man by his hand and pulling him out of the coffin.

2D stumbled and nearly fell, but the bassist wrapped an arm around his thin waist holding him still. The younger man clung to his side his body still shaking, he was in shock, and it was expected. Murdoc managed to get him to let go long enough for them to climb out of the hole. He gathered up the things from the ritual and stuffed them back inside the bag, he hooked the strap over his shoulder and turned to see 2D standing there hugging himself tightly as he looked around at his surroundings, his eyes wide. He looked dazed and lost; it made the Satanist feel bad. He felt bad he had to leave him down there for that time, but according to the ritual it wouldn't work if you broke into the ground that the deceased person was laying under. The ritual treated bringing the dead back to life almost like somebody giving birth; you had to endure as much pain as the one coming to life, darkness to light, and all of that other metaphoric shit that demons loved.

Murdoc wrapped an arm around his waist holding him close, he expected 2D to be wary of him, but he wasn't. Instead he seemed to just cling to him, he buried his face in the crook of the Satanist neck and cried, sometimes he would try to talk, but it mostly came out as whimpering. He stroked his fingers through the taller man's matted hair.

"It's a'right Stuart, yer back now…I'm here, I'm not letting yew go ever again."

2D nodded and pulled away, he was shaking less now.

The bassist helped him up into the car lot and into the Winnebago. He tossed the duffle bag onto the floor and guided the vocalist back to his bed sitting him down on the edge of it. 2D grabbed hold of his wrist turning his hand over and looking at the blood stains on his hand then back up at the bassist his black eyes looking worried. Murdoc smiled and caressed his cheek.

"It's okay, it's nothin' too bad…Are yew a'right?"

The younger man opened his mouth and attempted to talk, but just ended up making a frustrated sound and shaking his head letting his dirty hair fall in his face.

"Yew'll get yer voice back soon….Yer just in shock, that's all…I'm going to get something to clean yew off with, I'll be back."

He pulled away from the blue haired man and made his way into the bathroom. He grabbed some clean clothes off of the edge of the bath tub along with some soap, a towel, and a wet wash cloth. He returned to see 2D still sitting on the bed looking around like he was trying to recall his surroundings.

"My room, remember? Yew used to pick t'e lock and come in here when yew would get scared or just wanted to talk…I'd yell at yew for it, but I never threw yew out…I always liked the company…I'm going to get yew cleaned up some, a'right?"

2D nodded his consent letting his long hair fall over his face concealing his large black eyes. Murdoc removed the tattered shirt and tie tossing them to the side. He began gently running the cloth over the other man's skin washing away the dirt and the dried blood from a few faint cuts. When the dirt was removed from his chest he could see a faded white circular scar where the bullet had penetrated. Murdoc touched his fingers to the mark mentally going back to that night, he hated the mark was still there. He felt a tear roll down his cheek as he looked at it and thought about what had happened; the younger man brushed his thumb against the Satanist skin wiping his tears away. Murdoc looked up faking a smile; he couldn't understand why 2D was even remotely concerned about him right now.

"I'm a'right, just remembering when yew left…That's all; I wish I could have saved yew."

2D pressed his lips to the older man's forehead and he felt shivers go down his spine.

"Murdoc.." The younger man said his voice cracking as he spoke the bassist name.

"So yew can speak, good…I missed yer voice."

He continued washing the dirt off of his skin making sure he was careful when he got to his fingers which were caked with blood from where he had started to claw at the coffin lid. Sometimes he would feel the pianist fingers in his hair, he liked the feeling…He liked all of this even if it made him feel sick as hell; he waited for this to be some odd gorgeous nightmare.

"A'right other than yer hair yer cleaned up…Yew'll have to wear my clothes until the morning, sorry 'bout that." Murdoc said handing the younger man the shirt and pants.

He turned his head while 2D changed out of his dress pants and put the clean clothes on. He felt a hand on his shoulder and looked at the taller man who was now fully dressed. The clothes were big on him, he was skinnier than he had been before, or maybe Murdoc just never noticed how skinny he really was until right now…Five months was a really long time to go without seeing somebody.

"C'mon we should go to sleep; yew can have my bed I can sleep on t'e floor."

2D shook his head and tried to speak again, but nothing came out. He pulled at the sleeve of the older man's shirt letting out a low whining sound, Murdoc couldn't help but smile.

"Yew want me to sleep in my bed with yew?"

The other man averted his eyes and nodded slowly.

"Okay, come on I don't think I've slept for a really long time…I feel fucking exhausted."

The bassist climbed onto the bed and lay down on his side, 2D curled up against him burying his face against his chest. Murdoc wrapped his arms around him holding him tightly; he rested his chin on the top of his head and closed his eyes listening to his soft whimpers and the steady sound of his breathing. He waited for this moment and all of its odd beauty to be stolen away from him, he waited to wake up in a straight jacket, or alone and hung over. In no way in any universe did he think that he honestly deserved to have 2D back with him.


	10. Chapter Nine

Murdoc woke up with a dull throbbing in his head, and pains going through the rest of his body. He rolled over onto his side and opened his eyes, the bed was empty. He groaned and pulled himself up into a sitting position running his fingers back through his hair as he searched his mind trying to figure out if the events of last night were true or not. He closed his eyes and thought over what had happened, the ritual, the pain, the demon, and bringing 2D back to life…There was no way in Hell that was just a dream and he hadn't done drugs for weeks. He got out of bed and saw the tattered and dirtied white dress shirt on the floor, no it wasn't a dream. The bassist removed his shirt and walked over to the mirror examining the marks on his skin; there were circular burns on his neck that looked like they had been left by cigarettes, across his chest and lower stomach were long faded cuts, he turned and looked over his shoulder catching a glimpse of more claw mark like wounds. He traced his fingers along the wounds; they still hurt a bit, but nothing like the searing pain last night…

He turned away from the mirror and made his way out of the small home and into the empty car lot. He had an idea of where the younger man was.

Murdoc walked along the garbage filled land glass breaking under his boot covered feet, he wrapped his arms around himself shivering slightly from the cold wind. He smiled a bit when he spotted the blue haired man standing a few feet away his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jeans and his head bowed as he looked down at his own grave. The Satanist slowly made his way over to him, 2D turned his head looking in the older man's direction then looked back down at the grave. Murdoc stopped beside him and stared at the tomb stone, it was a weird moment, and somehow he kind of liked it.

"It wasn't a dream" 2D whispered his voice cracking.

"No mate it wasn't, I'm sorry." The older man replied trying to sound calm.

He felt bad, he felt like he should confess all of his sins to the man standing beside him. He knew his reply was lame; he wanted to say something better to him. There wasn't any way to comfort somebody in a situation like that, it was something he knew nothing about, and he just felt helpless.

"How did yew bring me back?"

"T'at spell book yew and Russ told me to throw out…I kept it, trashed my room awhile back, and found it…There was a resurrection ritual, I used t'at to bring yew back last night."

They stayed quiet for awhile, both of them staring at the tomb stone, and the hollowed out ground in front of it.

"Why…Why did yew bring me back?" 2D asked looking over at the older man.

"Why wouldn't I?" He replied shrugging.

"I'm worthless" The singer whispered bitterly.

Murdoc turned around to face him; 2D bowed his head letting his hair fall over his face hiding it. He pushed the singer's hair back behind his ear and placed two fingers under his chin trying to get him to turn and look at him. The younger man let out a long shaky breath, tears rolled down his cheeks; he turned and looked down at the Satanist.

"No, don't say that." Murdoc said his voice stern.

2D smiled and glanced back towards the empty grave.

"I figured yew would be happy I was gone."

"Why would yew think that, this has been the most miserable five fucking months of my life."

"Yew told me I was wor-"

"I didn't mean it; dammit don't yew know not to believe anything I say to yew?"

2D backed away from him wrapping his arms around himself as he continued staring down into the empty grave.

"I didn't fink t'at I would die…I didn' really care, but…I just…I-I…I t'ought I'd just get a bit hurt…I didn't…I just wanted to save yew, I knew it wouldn't mean anyfink to yew, but I just wanted to know t'at yew would be safe….It was so weird Muds…I…I don-don't want to believe t'at it's real."

2D dropped to his hands and knees and began sobbing; Murdoc went over to him and kneeled down before him. He ran his fingers through his hair trying to soothe him; the younger man pulled himself up enough to wrap his arms around the bassist waist and buried his face against his bare chest. Murdoc held him tightly; he closed his eyes paying close attention to the hot tears and warm breath against his skin. Realizing that the man in his arms was alive still blew his mind, his words killed him though…He tried to think of something to say, he had five months of thoughts…So many things he wanted to say to him, tell him, and confess yet right now his mind was blank. All he could do was hold him while he cried sometimes muttering incoherent phrases he tried to understand, but couldn't. After a few minutes his body tensed and he pushed away from the Satanist and stared up at him.

"Am I…Am I-I a fing now?"

"No 'D yer human, as human, and innocent as yew were before." Murdoc replied running his index finger along the younger man's tear stained cheek.

"How am I innocent, why does everybody fink t'at?" He asked angrily, he shook his head making his hair fall in front of his face again.

2D stood shakily to his feet nearly losing his balance, Murdoc stood and reached out to grab the singer's arm, but the other man pulled away from him.

"Pl-please just…Ju-just tell me t'at…That this was a nightmare…I-I never…I never died."

"Yew kno-"

"Just lie to me, please." The blue haired man yelled out his voice cracking as tears cascaded down his cheeks.

His body was shaking and he stumbled falling down to the ground. He pulled his legs up against himself and buried his face in his hands crying, sobbing. Murdoc sat down next to him wrapping his arms around his body resting his chin on the top of his head.

"It was just a dream…Yer here wit' me, it was all a horrible dream…It's over now t'ough…It's over, no more tears, c'mon…It's going to be okay, please…" Murdoc whispered trying to hold his own tears back.

It was nearly impossible to keep from crying at this point, but he knew that he couldn't. He didn't have anything to say, anything to comfort him, he had no clue what the man he was holding had been through. Where he had been or what he remembered, he was so disoriented and scared. Murdoc wished he could make it better, but he had no idea where to start. All he could do was sit on the trash coated ground and hold him tightly thinking that if anything, anybody tried to take 2D away from him again he would kill them.

"C-can we go back inside now…I-I'm really cold."

"Sure, come on Stu we'll get yew back inside."

Murdoc stood to his feet and held his hand out for the vocalist to take. He looked at the older man's hand for a moment, looking at the long cut on the palm of it. He finally took hold of it and pulled himself to his feet stumbling and falling against the bassist. Murdoc knew that most likely nobody would be around; nobody really went near the car lot that much anymore. Generally because they knew that the bassist would give them hell if he even thought that they were going to try and talk to him about his emotions and the way that he was handling things. He felt sick when he thought about how he would tell them about this, that he couldn't grieve like a normal person so he had to go and resurrect the younger man…He still couldn't grasp it himself, even with the younger man pressed against his side he couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe that this was real, that anything was…He felt like he was in some dream world, some world where he wasn't sure whether to call this a beautiful dream or a horrible nightmare…His head was swimming causing the pain to increase, he wasn't worried about that though, he was more concerned about 2D's well being.

When they entered the Winnebago he sat the younger man down on one of the chairs at the small table. He took a seat next to him and looked around the scattered mess he called his home.

"Where are Noodle and Russel?"

"Probably inside or gone…I don't know t'ey kind of avoid me a lot."

"Do they know about…T'is?" 2D asked cautiously.

Murdoc looked at him and shook his head.

"No…No t'ey…They don't know, I'm obviously going to tell them…Just not yet, give it a few days…God they've missed yew mate, Noodle cried a lot."

"I didn't mean to make t'em miss me." 2D said his voice dripping with guilt.

"It's not yer fault."

"Did yew miss me any?"

"I hate to say it, but I t'ink I missed yew more than them…I…" His words trailed off, he felt like he was going to cry.

He looked away letting his bangs fall over his eyes, there were so many things that he wanted to say, and do. He couldn't though, everything 2D said to him killed him on the inside. It made him realize just how badly he had always treated him, confirmed that the vocalist really had died thinking that Murdoc hated him that much, that he had wanted him to be dead. He really had no idea how the older man felt about him, he had no idea how his death had basically destroyed him.

He felt a hand on his leg and looked down at it; the younger man's fingers still looked bad from where he had scratched at the coffin lid. Murdoc placed his hand over his, lacing their fingers together.

"Wot is it?"

His voice didn't sound bitter anymore he just sounded concerned, Murdoc couldn't help but smile at that.

"Are yew still in love with me?" He asked looking up into the other man's black eyes.

"Y-yeah…I never stopped." He replied sadly.

"Yew shouldn't I'm not worth it yew know…All I ever did was fucking hurt yew, I don't know why I did…God I didn't think it really hurt yew, I didn't mean anythin' t'at I told yew that night…I don't hate yew, yew aren't worthless…I'm sorry I hit yew, I'm sorry that yew died saving some sick old prick like me…I don't know why yew did, I've asked t'at for months now…I wanted to be angry at yew for it…I-I…I couldn't, it's my fault…It's all my fault, I fucked everythin' up….I fucked up so badly Stuart, I didn't mean to…Yew have no…Yew have no clue how much it killed me to see…To hold yew like that, see yew…Just…God…Ple…Please forgive me, I never ever meant to hurt yew."

Murdoc bowed his head and let himself cry, his body shook and his breaths came out heavy and uneven. He couldn't stop and he didn't want to, everything in his head hurt so badly he felt like any control he'd had was completely gone now. Every bit of anger, self abuse, sadness, guilt, and every other thing he had felt for all of these months was coursing through him leaving him feeling broken and insane.

He felt a hand on his cheek and looked up into 2D's black eyes; he wanted to see anger in his features. He searched his face looking for some sign of hate or disgust, but all he saw was love and sorrow.

"I forgive yew Murdoc." He whispered his voice gentle, soothing.

"I love yew so much Stu, it fucking scares me. I should have just told yew, I should have…."

2D leaned forward pressing his lips against the older man's. Long fingers tangled in his greasy hair, his lips trembled against the younger man's as he began kissing back. He placed a hand against 2D's chest feeling the beating of his heart, the kiss was desperate, and it was so many months of loneliness and confusion finally coming out. He waited for it to end, to open his eyes and be all alone. Fingers caressed his skin wiping his tears away, 2D broke from the kiss. He pressed his lips to the tip of the older man's nose then to his forehead, he stared into his mismatched eyes his lips parted slightly.

"We'll be okay…It was just a dream right?" The singer asked smiling slightly.

Murdoc smiled in return.

"Y-yeah it was all a dream….Please don't go away again."

"I won't, I'm sorry I got angry at yew before…I love yew pet." 2D whispered before kissing him again.

"Yew wanna go back to bed?"

"Yeah I feel fucking drained."

2D stood to his feet offering his hand to the bassist; Murdoc took it and followed him back to the bed. He lay down and the singer curled up against his side resting his head on his chest. Murdoc wrapped an arm around him holding him closely, something inside of him felt different like his mind was less clouded he didn't feel like he was drowning anymore. He was finally starting to feel relief, feel like things were starting to get better in some strange way.


	11. Chapter Ten

The Satanist stood in the door way of 2D's bedroom; he leaned against the frame, and crossed his arms over his chest. He watched the vocalist who was sitting cross legged on the bed, a keyboard sat before him. His fingers danced over the keys, the melody produced was beautiful and slightly melancholy. Murdoc tried to recognize it, but he had never heard it before, he smiled softly as he watched the other man. He was chewing on his bottom lip, tendrils of hair falling in his face as he concentrated on what he was doing. Murdoc walked into the room closing and locking the door behind him, 2D stopped what he was doing and looked up at the older man pushing his hair away from his face.

"Yew didn' have to stop; I don't think I've heard t'at song before."

2D pushed the keyboard to the side and folded his hands together in his lap; he stared up at the older man. Murdoc sat down across from him and took a moment to look around the messed room. There were books and photo albums lying on the floor, everything was where he had left it last time he had been in there. He would feel bad when he would go into the singer's room, go through his things, but he had always needed those moments and those memories.

"I-it's new, well sort of; I started workin' on it a-awhile before I died." 2D said his voice came out weak when he said the word 'dead'.

"Are yew okay?" The bassist asked trying to read the younger man's expression.

It was an idiotic question, he realized that the moment he asked it.

"Y-yeah…I fink so; I'm not in pain or anyfink."

"That's not w'at I meant, I meant like mentally."

2D looked away and scratched at the back of his head.

"I-I keep remembering fings like dying and stuff…It hurt a lot, at first i-it burned…I-I heard yew talking to me, I t-tried to wake up, but I couldn't…I ju-just went numb, t'en everyfink went to black…I keep remembering fings like t'at then finking it's just a dream, an' I'm crazy."

"Yew aren't crazy, I wish it was just a dream too…I t'ink that every day, I haven't slept much since yew went away, because when I woke up I realized it really happened."

He felt that aching in his chest; he thought over all of the nights he had spent crying. All of the times he would do speed just to keep from sleeping, but in the end he would pass out somewhere.

"Did yew mean wot yew said yesterday about being in love wit' me?" 2D asked meeting the bassist eyes again.

"I love yew, a lot, and I didn't realize it until yew were gone….That's horrible isn't it, I'm sorry."

The singer grabbed hold of Murdoc's hand running his thumb over his knuckles, the Satanist smiled softly.

"I used to fink t'at yew'd be glad when I would finally die…T'at it'd be one less chore taking care of me all t'e time."

"I like taking care of yew, I don't t'ink what I did counted as taking care of yew…All I ever did was beat yew up, I want to make t'at up to yew."

2D smiled sadly and shrugged.

"Yew still put up wit' me, yew look really tired."

The younger man ran his fingers through Murdoc's hair pushing his bangs away from his face.

"Like I said I didn' sleep much while yew were gone….I couldn' stop thinking about yew, felt like I was gonna go mad….Yew don't have to be with me if yew don't want to." He said muttering the last part and averting his eyes.

Fingers ran down along his cheek and he shivered.

"Why would yew say t'at?" 2D asked sounding confused.

"I've never been good to yew, at all. I brought yew back; because I can't live without yew…Selfish isn't it? I don't know if yew really wanted to come back or not, if it would work correctly."

He had spent very little time thinking over that. He had just wanted 2D back by his side, wanted to see him alive again, and have everything back to normal. As he sat there and thought over the other sides to what he did he felt horrible, felt like his choice had been a selfish one. Why did it surprise him that he would do something completely for himself?

"As far as I can tell it worked okay, yew had a really hard life so I know yew can't really help some fings. I'm happy t'at yew brought me back, I just feel out of it…Kinda lost feeling, but not like I did when I was t'ere…I kind of remember it, I remember looking for yew, but never finding yew."

Murdoc looked down at their hands, tears fell from his eyes, and he really wished that they would stop.

"Why would yew go looking for somebody like me?" He asked his voice trembling; he looked up faking a smile.

2D wiped the tears from his face.

"We were both kinda looking for each other weren't we?" The singer asked smiling sadly.

"I love yew Stuart, I'm sorry that I let yew die. I never meant for it to happen, I should've done something."

"There wasn't anyfink yew could have done yew didn' let me die…I tried to come back when I heard yew talkin' to me, I know yew didn' mean for it to happen."

2D's voice was soothing; Murdoc closed his eyes leaning into the touch of the singer's hand against his cheek.

"I was scared as hell ya know I've never….Hell I've never even cared about somebody before, I couldn't handle it 'D….I feel like I lost my mind, like yew were my last strand of humanity. I wanted yew back so badly just so I could tell yew I was wrong, t'at yew aren't worthless…Yer beautiful, caring, and have put up with more than enough of my shit…I love yew so much, I'm so fucking stupid…I don't get why yew have to be in love with me, I don't deserve it…I just wanted to tell yew that, to let yew know that I love yew no matter what I ever told yew. I've spent five months trying to kill myself one way or t'e other over it; I really can't tell yew how truly fucking sorry I am Stuart."

2D leaned his forehead against the older man's, Murdoc let out a shuddering breath as more tears fell from his eyes. The blue haired man trailed his index finger along the Satanist trembling lower lip.

"I wish yew could see just how much I love yew, c'mon no more tears…I'm back, and I forgive yew for everyfink. I don' want anybody else; I just want yew and I want to see yew happy…I hate to see yew cry luv, yew don't need to feel guilty….See I'm a'right….That was the best moment of my life when yew got me out of t'at coffin, seeing yer face, and knowing I was safe again. I don't wan to ever leave yew again."

"I don't deserve yew Stuart."

"Yew do, yew always have." 2D whispered before kissing him gently.

He placed his hand on the back of the bassist neck holding him still as they kissed. Murdoc ran his fingers through 2D's hair as he deepened the kiss; he nipped at the singer's bottom lip eliciting a small moan from the taller man. The singer grabbed hold of the front of his shirt pulling him on top of him as he lay back on the bed, he pressed his body against the blue haired man's. They kissed passionately; Murdoc slipped his hands up under the pianist shirt feeling along his thin frame, 2D's fingers knotted in his hair as he pushed his tongue into the older man's mouth. The Satanist raked his nails down the pianist sides, he broke away moving to 2D's neck.

"I missed yew; I promise I won't let yew go again." Murdoc whispered against his ear.

He ran his tongue down along the side of his neck before pulling away. 2D leaned up kissing him quickly before laying back down smiling up at the older man.

"I missed seeing yew smile."

Murdoc moved off of him and lay down on his side next to him, 2D turned to face him. He buried his face against the older man's chest tangling his fingers in the fabric of his shirt. He wrapped his arms around the blue haired man holding him closely.

"Tell me this isn't a dream." 2D whispered, he pressed his lips to the front of the bassist neck.

"It isn't, yew'll wake up still in my arms. I promise yew."

He wished that he would stop promising things. There were the ones that he would keep, but never leaving his side…he knew that one was complete bull shit. He had to tell him about the deal, had to tell him that in five years he would have to leave for hell. He couldn't get himself to though; he couldn't really see the harm in not telling him yet. He still had to tell Russel and Noodle that 2D was alive again; he still hadn't the slightest idea on how to do that. He would have to tell them and he knew he would do it soon enough, he would give it a few more days. For awhile he just wanted to keep 2D to himself, keep from having to deal with everybody else. He wasn't alone for once; he was finally with the man he loved. His mind felt tired from all of the thinking, the stressing, and his guilt. There were still things that plagued his mind no matter how hard he tried to push them to the side. He closed his eyes and made himself relax, he focused on the warm breath against his skin and the fingers curled against him. He wanted to know where he had been, but at the same time he was scared to find out. All that mattered was that he was back now and Murdoc had no plans of letting him go again.


	12. Chapter Eleven

"Why did yew bury me in t'e landfill?" 2D asked breaking the silence that had been growing between the two of them.

They were sitting on Murdoc's bed, it was nearly four in the morning, and the night had been spent going between talking and total silence. The conversations had mostly been in the direction of telling the blue haired man everything he had missed while he had been away. What their other two band mates had been doing the last time that Murdoc had really talked to them and more about how the green skinned man had been doing since 2D's death. He noticed how awkward and quiet the singer got when the topic of his death came up. Anytime he had to say it he felt weird, crazy even; to look at somebody who was most obviously alive and then refer to them as dead was strange. Hearing 2D ask about why he had been buried in the landfill was very strange.

"I wanted yew to be close to me." Murdoc replied his voice soft and distant.

He was staring out the cracked and dirtied window next to his bed. He watched a few shadowy figures he knew belonged to some of the deceased that tended to haunt Kong Studios. They liked the car lot because of how vacated it generally was and ever since 2D's resurrection they had been more active than usual.

"I didn' fink t'at my family would let yew choose somefink like t'at."

Murdoc looked at the taller man and smirked.

"Well t'ey weren't really happy wit' it, did ya know t'ey still hate me for hitting yew with my car? Yew'd think they'd be over that by now, but they didn't really argue it. Nobody really argued me on anythin' when yew went away."

The singer's family had approached him after Russel told them about the area chosen for the burial. They had been understandably angry about it; they wanted their son buried closer to home. Murdoc didn't want that though, when people tried to talk to him about it or force him to change his mind he would lash out at them. His temper had always been off, but after 2D died it went to an extreme that even shocked him every now and again.

"Was t'e funeral nice?" The younger man asked his voice quiet.

The conversation was weird, he wanted to tell him to stop asking about these things, but they were reasonable enough questions. The bassist sighed heavily and leaned back against the wall averting his eyes from the other man's.

"Yeah it was nice mate, everybody showed up for yew. Lot of crying and everythin', a lot of nice t'ings said about yew too."

He had missed a lot of it, when he'd feel like he was going to have a break down he'd go out and smoke a cigarette. Every opportunity he was given to be away from his friends and people he had worked with he took it, he'd just wanted to be alone and forget where he was. It had made him feel physically numb and mentally disturbed when he'd realize just what was going on, that he was at a funeral for his one and only true friend.

"Did yew visit my grave a lot?"

Murdoc looked at the taller man and smiled sadly.

"Yeah, usually at night though when everybody was sleeping. I'd go visit yew for a bit; I'd end up sleeping there sometimes. I'd tell yew how much I missed yew; I always tried to be sober when I visited because I knew how much yew hated seeing me wasted."

A couple of times Noodle had woken him up telling him to go in before he got sick from sleeping on the cold ground. He never minded lying on the garbage or getting drenched by the rain, he was determined to stay there because he knew that was the closest he could ever get to the vocalist again. Thinking back on the memories now just made him feel slightly numbed and light headed. He still had a lot of things he had to figure out starting with how or when to approach his band mates about 2D coming back.

2D kissed him quickly; he sat back a light blush on his face. Murdoc leaned forward kissing the tip of his nose, the younger man laughed.

"Yer really beautiful"

"I love yew Mu'doc, fank yew for bring me back. It really means a lot to me, I hated not being able to find yew."

"Ya got me now pet; do yew remember where yew went?"

2D sighed and laid down on the bed, he stared up at the ceiling, and bit at his lower lip.

"I fink; sometimes I have t'ese dreams about it. Like I remember dying, I remember voices after I was dead, and a lot of light…I remember looking for yew a lot, but not too much. T'ey could just be dreams t'ough, its weird finking t'at I left at all."

"Yew'll remember eventually, just give it awhile."

He knew that 2D had most likely been in heaven, it was nearly impossible to think about him going anywhere else. They didn't exactly punish people who were willing to risk their own lives for another person's, not like anything holy cared for Murdoc, but it was still an ultimate act.

"Did t'ey ever catch the guy who killed me?" The singer asked propping himself up on his elbows.

"Yep they caught him, some bloke named William. His bird called t'e cops saying her boyfriend was trying to kill her, the cops found out it was t'e guy I told them about. The trial didn' go on for too long, it was really fucking horrible t'ough I couldn' stand it."

He remembered how before going into the court house they would check him for weapons. Everybody knew one thing for sure which was Murdoc would have murdered William in a room full of people if given the chance. He was grateful for Russel going with him each and every time to keep him under check even if sometimes he had tried to attack the larger man.

"Wot happened to 'im, is he in prison?" 2D asked curiously.

"No, he got away with the insanity plea. Fucking arsehole isn't insane at all, but y'know they believed him some sob story or whatever."

He felt annoyed when he thought about it, the huge grin plastered on the man's face as he was lead out of the room. The way he never took his eyes off of Murdoc, he took pride in what he had done; one of the things he hated about William was that he reminded him of his father. The drugs he reported being addicted to, his drinking habits, his womanizing, and how he could commit a horrible act and smile the whole time he talked about it. It pissed the Satanist off; he still hated knowing that the bastard was in some nice top notch facility being taken care of.

2D nudged him with his foot, Murdoc smiled slightly as he pushed the memories to the back of his mind.

"He is gone t'ough and he can't hurt anybody else for a long time."

The Satanist got on 2D sitting on his lap, the singer placed his hands on Murdoc's hips sliding his fingers up under his shirt.

"It's amazing how calm yew can be, yew know when yew aren't panicking over something strange."

"I don' panic over strange stuff."

The bassist rolled his eyes; he ran his index finger along the side of the other man's neck.

"Right like t'at one time yew ran in here crying cause t'ere was a huge bug in yer room and yew wouldn't go back in there until Noodle killed it." Murdoc said grinning.

"Shud up yew ol' sod, I mostly just did t'at so yew'd hold me." 2D said once he stopped laughing.

"Sure whatever yew say pet."

The blue haired man sat up and wrapped his arms around Murdoc's neck tangling his fingers in his hair. He kissed the older man; Murdoc kissed back prodding his tongue against the singer's lips. 2D granted him entrance moaning as the bassist tongue moved into his mouth exploring. He lightly ran his nails up 2D's side drawing more moans from the other man. Murdoc pushed him back onto the bed and removed his shirt, the pianist black eyes were wandering over his body. It felt strange having somebody actually look at him, he wasn't used to it. People would look, but it was never in the way that 2D was looking at him in that moment or any of the times before. He captured the singer's lips again kissing him passionately; the younger man placed his hands against his chest digging his fingers against the skin. Murdoc tangled his fingers in long locks of hair; he ran his other hand down along the side of 2D's neck then down to his chest feeling the beating of his heart beneath his skin. Murdoc broke from the kiss moving to his neck, he ran the tip of his tongue along his neck before biting. 2D moaned and dug his nails into the bassist shoulder in response; he sucked at the wound before moving to another spot repeating the action.

"Fuck….Yew know I used to fantasize about this a lot." 2D muttered

Murdoc pulled back and grinned down at the vocalist.

"Yew used to fantasize about doing this with me?"

The younger man blushed and averted his eyes.

"Y-yeah sometimes when I'd be looking at yew and yew hadn't noticed yet I'd start wondering wot it'd be like to…Ya know be wit' yew and stuff."

"So am I doing as well as yew imagined so far?"

"Much better actually, never really t'ought it'd happen. Always drove me crazy when I'd fink I couldn' really touch yew cause I knew yew'd get mad at me."

Murdoc kissed him deeply, quickly then pulled back.

"Yew can touch me all yew want to, I really don't mind at all. Quite like it actually."

2D placed his hands firmly against the older man's chest; he pushed the bassist back on the bed climbing on top of him. He kissed Murdoc passionately; the Satanist placed a hand on the back of 2D's head and the other on the small of his back pulling him closer.

He loved the feeling of the blue haired man's body against him. He'd spent nights thinking about how he would never get to kiss 2D or hold him, and how he would never get to feel him. Now he was finally getting what he kept thinking about, dreaming about, and he craved the man on top of him.

2D broke from the kiss his breathing heavy; he kissed along Murdoc's jaw line, then down to his neck. The older man leaned his head back giving the singer more access; he moaned and cursed under his breath as the blue haired man's teeth bit into his neck. He dug his nails into 2D's back as he focused on the feeling of the mouth pressed against his skin, the tongue running along the fresh wound. He moved down repeating the action, sucking against the spot he had just bitten. His fingers ran along the older man's chest and stomach, 2D trailed his tongue down the center of the bassist chest. Murdoc looked down at him watching him, black eyes staring back at him and a small smirk on his face.

"Yer incredible" Murdoc whispered.

The younger man smiled softly, he sat up and bowed his head letting his hair fall over his face. Murdoc sat up wrapping an arm around 2D's waist; he pushed his hair out of his face and back behind his ear. The vocalist buried his face in the crook of Murdoc's neck his fingers playing with the inverted cross hanging from his neck.

"When can we tell t'e others that I'm back?"

"Any time that yew want luv." He replied kissing the top of his head.

"I love yew so much, I keep trying to remember about w'ere I was. I just remember finking about yew a lot and being sad."

"Yew'll remember eventually, don't worry about it. Yew have all the time in the world to remember where yew were."

2D nodded against his chest and mumbled something in reply.

Murdoc lay back on the bed with 2D curled up on top of him, he closed his eyes. He had five years to be with him, five years to make up for everything. For a moment he thought about just telling him right then, but he couldn't get himself to. He knew if he did then 2D would be upset, he would be angry at himself, and tell Murdoc he shouldn't have made the deal. He would have to at least tell Russel about the deal he made with the demon, but that's as far as it was going to go. Nobody else needed to know that in five years he had to leave 2D alone again. He'd have to tell him and he knew that, but he wasn't in a real hurry to. It was just another thing he would try and keep in the back of his mind, try to forget about it until it was actually important to him.

He opened his eyes and looked down at 2D. He remembered the days where he would think that the singer was beautiful, let his mental guard down in a moment of sobriety and think about how much he wanted to touch him. He'd catch himself, take his frustration out on 2D by hitting him, and then drink until he didn't know where he was. It used to scare him half to death to have those kinds of thoughts about another man especially when 2D was the male in question. He had always openly admitted that the singer was beautiful, that physically he was nearly perfect especially due to his dented eyes and missing teeth.

It was dumb that it took 2D dying for him to just stop acting. He always thought that his image was important, that his life would be ruined if he even allowed himself to find the younger man attractive. Every sexual fantasy, dream, or moment he thought about him in a romantic sense he hated himself. Cursed himself for that weakness, for feeling affection especially towards 2D. He knew his life style wouldn't have lasted long, as he got older he got bored. The women became less appealing, the alcohol drove him insane, and the drugs were just boring him out of his head. He would have rather lived that life style no matter how much he started loathing it than just get with somebody who he could actually be with and be himself without them running. Yet the moment he was told 2D had died, the moment he saw him in that hospital bed that's when it changed. That's when the mask he'd spent years crafting cracked, his mind left him completely, and everything he'd ever thought was important meant nothing. He could only think of the moments he'd spent with 2D all of the violent and the good ones. The times he'd stared at him, wanted to kiss him, and hold him. He had wondered why he never took the chance, why he hadn't dropped his idiotic ego and just went for the only person in the world who really wanted him.

"Muds"

Murdoc opened his eyes and looked at 2D who was staring up at him concerned.

"W'at is it?"

"Yew okay?"

The Satanist faked a smile and nodded, he caressed 2D's cheek.

"Yeah I'm okay, I'm sorry for everything yew know."

"I know, I forgive yew…I would have forgiven yew anyways, I love yew so don't worry 'bout it okay?"

"I won't, I love yew too Stu."

2D kissed him softly before settling his head against his chest again.

"I like yew calling me Stu, it's nice."

Murdoc kissed the top of his head; he closed his eyes and sighed heavily. He pushed all of the negative thoughts and memories of his boyfriend's death to the back of his mind. He smiled when he thought over the fact that the man in his arms was his boyfriend, at least he got to have this for a little while.


	13. Chapter Twelve

2D sat at the small table his hands folded on top of it and his head bowed. Murdoc sat down across from him waiting for the singer to notice his presence, after a couple of minutes he placed his hand over 2D's. The younger man looked up at him looking slightly dazed from whatever trance he had just been pulled from.

"Yew okay luv?"

The blue haired man smiled softly, he pushed his hair out of his face.

"I'm fine, I was wondering do yew fink we could tell t'e others t'at I'm back today?"

"Sure if yew want to, I can get Russ and Noodle together, and tell them whenever yew want me to."

2D smiled and nodded his hair falling back in place.

"Can we do it t'is morning t'en, it's been really weird not seeing them for so long."

"Sure pet, hell I haven't even talked to them since I brought yew back." Murdoc said he leaned back in his chair.

"Why not?" The younger man asked confused.

"I don't know anytime I'd go around Russel he just wanted to talk about my stupid feelings. Crap like t'at yew know, can't stand that, and Noodle just tries small talk sometimes. Pretty sure she's worried 'bout me, but knows that I rather be left alone….Girlie is way better at reading me, t'ough now t'at yer back they can stop asking me about things…Well those kinds of things anyways."

He knew Noodle would be confused, but for the most part happy the moment she saw 2D again. Russel on the other hand he had the feeling would want to talk more about the things Murdoc did to bring their singer back. The longer he could go without the drummer asking him those sorts of questions then the better off he knew that he was. Russel would be happy to have 2D back in the band, just he wouldn't be happy with the way Murdoc managed to bring him back to life. In the Satanist mind he didn't do anything wrong, he found the best spell he could, and fixed something. Even the demon told him that 2D wasn't supposed to be dead; it had been Murdoc's time. Every day the singer seemed to get better, he was really close to being like his old self again. He knew that eventually he'd have to tell 2D about the deal, what was going to happen in a few years. He couldn't bring himself to; he knew he would have to tell Russel. He figured if he told at least one person about the deal he made with the resurrection demon then maybe he'd feel less guilty about not telling 2D.

"I'm going to go shower, when I get done we can go tell t'em, right?" 2D asked as he stood up.

"Yeah mate, I'll get hold of Russ while yer in t'e shower." The older man said smiling.

He waited until the vocalist was in the bathroom and he could hear the shower water running before he pulled his phone out and dialed in the drummer's number. He knew he could go inside and find the younger man, but he figured it'd take less time to just call him.

"Hey Muds, where are you?"

"In t'e car lot, where t'e fucking hell are yew at?"

"In the house, what do you want?" The younger man asked sounding tired already.

Murdoc smirked; it never took much for him to annoy the drummer.

"I need yew to get Noodle and go into the living room; got something I need to show yew lot."

"Why couldn't you just come inside and tell me this man?"

"Because I find it easier to just call and stop fucking questioning me, I'll meet yew two in t'e living room in half an hour. Yew both better be in there."

"Yeah, yeah we will be….Good to hear that you're doing better." Russel mumbled.

Murdoc ended the call and sat the phone down on the table. He looked up at the ceiling and the knives sticking out of it along with some graffiti 2D had done years ago. It had always gotten on his nerves when the blue haired singer would get drunk and come into his Winnie and spray paint the walls. He'd end up knocking him on his ass and beating him up for it, but it wasn't like the paint made the place look any worse than it already did. He liked having his own private little realm where he could go and lock himself away from his band mates which he had done quite often while Paula was in the band. The girl was always so annoying, her voice had given him migraines, and sometimes he wanted to strangle her. He still felt bad when he thought about how he had finally gotten her out of the band; he knew he could have just told her to fuck off. She would have flipped and probably lost what mind she had, 2D probably would have been upset, but at least it wouldn't have been that bad. That was also the day that Russel officially started to hate him, not like he was a fan of the Satanist anyways.

Murdoc didn't care about that; it was the one thing he never could figure out. He never cared one bit what Russel thought of him, it only pissed him off when the drummer had punched him in the face, or announced in interviews he couldn't stand him. He never cared the times that Noodle would get angry with him over his binge drinking, drug use, or the crude way he would act towards interviewers. Nobody really got to him, because in the end he never really gave a fuck about them. Yet the second that 2D was angry at him or started crying because of something he did to him it mattered. No matter how much he would drink or the amount of drugs he would do to try and not care he still ended up caring. He never understood how one person he treated so badly could make him feel guilt or regret over the things that he would say or do.

He would still have a nightmare every now and again about being in the hospital the night that 2D died. He would have a lot of nightmares about the day the blue haired man died; it was always confusing and relieving to wake up with 2D lying next to him. He never knew that somebody dying could actually affect him so much, he never thought of people dying as a big deal. They died and that was it; when 2D died it was like he lost his connection to reality. He was never really kind or caring towards the singer, he had always given him hell, but the second that he died everything changed. He finally realized how much he cared, how much he relied on him even though he spent years looking after 2D. If he hadn't brought him back to life he probably would have went insane. He felt like he did go insane, but nobody got hurt from his actions.

The past few months were confusing; he would have loved to just erase them from his mind. For this past week he'd managed to do that to some extent though. It had been like escaping everything and hiding away, being in his own little world, and having 2D with him helping him regain humanity he lost many years ago.

"A'right I'm ready now."

Murdoc looked to see 2D leaning against the wall his long hair was still damp and again he was wearing Murdoc's clothes.

"Yew sure ya wanna do t'is?" The older man asked as he led the singer out into the vacated car lot.

"I'm sure, kinda nervous t'ough….Wot if I weird t'em out or somefink like that?" He asked shoving his hands in the pockets of the black jeans he was wearing.

"Ya won't weird t'em out, they missed yew like crazy. Might be shocked to see yew since yew have been gone for 'bout five months, but they'll be happy."

The Satanist held out his hand to the other man, 2D smiled softly and took hold of it. He followed Murdoc into the building; he tried to remember the last time he had been in the main parts of Kong. He figured it had to be a month or so ago, after awhile he started avoiding it. Seeing the ghosts annoyed him, hearing people on the news talking about 2D, and Russel forcing him to eat something before he finally just starved to death had finally pushed the Satanist to locking himself away from everybody. It felt weird to actually want to be around his other band mates, hell it felt like nothing changed at all.

When they got to the double doors that lead into the living room they stopped, Murdoc let go of 2D's hand.

"I'll go in first then I'll call yew in, okay?"

2D let out a shaky breath and nodded in reply.

"Yew'll be okay" Murdoc whispered reassuringly, he placed a hand on the younger man's hip and pulled him closer.

"I love yew" He whispered before kissing the singer softly.

"I love yew too Muds"

The Satanist turned and went over to the door; he gave one last look towards 2D before going into the living room.

Russel was standing with his arms folded looking slightly annoyed and Noodle sat on the back of the couch kicking her feet back and forth looking rather bored. When the door closed they both looked up at Murdoc neither of them looked too interested, it didn't help that generally when he had news for his band mates it was usually something that ended up annoying them.

"So what did you call us in for, it better be something good."

"Of course it's something good, why else would I call yer arse down here for, eh?" Murdoc said smirking.

"Just hurry up and tell us what it is, I got a project I'm working on in the recording studio."

"Bloody hell please tell me it's not another of yer Frankenstein's monster things again is it. I'm really getting sick of smelling rotted animal corpses when I go by there and by the way if yew keep acting so rude I might not tell yew my news."

He didn't care if Russel did taxidermy even though he had to admit it was rather disturbing. He just hated he would work on his projects in the studio or in the living room, usually the stench of death and chemicals would linger for the longest time adding to the usual repulsive odors going through Kong Studios.

"Man if you don't tell us I'm going to kick your ass."

Murdoc smiled up at the drummer who in reply rolled his eyes and leaned back against the wall giving up on the threat.

"Fine I'll show yew t'en…A'right pet yew can come in now!"

He turned and focused on the door watching as it slowly opened and 2D made his way into the room. He kept his head bowed his hair covering his face as he walked over to the bassist, Murdoc wrapped an arm around his shoulders. The singer looked up at his other two band mates; the Satanist turned his attention to them as well to see their reactions.

Russel stood there his white eyes wide in shock and mouth hanging open, Noodle was still sitting on the back of the couch, but now her body was completely still and her green eyes were wide.

"2D?" Russel asked breaking the growing silence in the room.

"H-hey Russ, it's been awhile." 2D replied smiling shyly, his voice was nervous sounding.

"But…You died, how are you…"

"I brought him back, a few days ago actually." Murdoc stated proudly.

Russel turned and looked at him still looking shocked and extremely confused.

"You…What do you mean you brought him back?"

"I'll tell ya about it later mate, but t'e point is he's back."

He didn't want to explain it to Russel until 2D was out of the room.

"Hi Noodle, I really missed yew." The singer said moving away from Murdoc and making his way towards the couch.

He stood in front of the young girl who stared up at him still in shock. 2D smiled sadly and ruffled her dark purple hair.

"Toochi is it really you?"

"Yeah little luv, it's me."

Noodle wrapped her arms around him hugging him tightly; 2D picked her up off of the couch and held on to her.

"I missed you so much, please don't leave us again."

"I won't little sis, its a'right now." The singer whispered reassuringly as the guitarist buried her face against his chest crying softly.

"So it's really you?" Russel asked sounding less shocked now.

"Yeah it's me, my hair is a bit longer y'know, but still myself last time I checked anyways."

"So exactly how did you…"

"Like I said I'll tell ya later mate, right now just be happy t'at he's back." Murdoc said trying to avoid the topic completely.

The drummer stared at him for a moment longer before looking at 2D again. The singer still held Noodle in his arms; they could still hear her crying.

"Why didn't you tell us about this sooner?"

"I wanted to make sure t'at he came back a'right…plus he was kind of shaken up when I brought him back so he needed some time to adjust."

"Hey Noodle luv let's sit down on t'e couch." 2D whispered before setting the girl down on the sofa.

He sat down next to her and a second later she had her arms wrapped around him again. Murdoc sat down on the recliner across from them and Russel sat on the floor still staring at the blue haired man.

"Told ya t'at she missed yew a lot luv." Murdoc said as he looked at the young girl.

"I missed her too; I missed all of yew guys a lot."

"Do you remember what happened when…Well you know." Russel asked sounding awkward.

"Yeah I remember it, didn't at first, but now I do…I don' really remember where I went after I died t'ough, I fink I do a little bit…Like I have dreams where I kinda remember fings, but not a lot."

"This is crazy man." The larger man mumbled rubbing his hand over his face.

"How is this crazy, yer t'e one who had a dead guy living in yer head for how many years?" Murdoc stated smirking at the drummer.

"Yeah but this is…This is completely different, don't you think this is….I don't know screwing with natural balance or something?"

"I don't care what happened, I'm just happy that Toochi is back." Noodle said wiping the tears from her eyes.

She gave a small smile and pulled away from 2D's side as she tried to compose herself.

"I'm happy too, just really fucking confused."

"Nothing to be confused 'bout Russ; 2D died and I brought him back. I would have told yew guys sooner, but figured I'd just let Stu decide when he wanted to tell yew."

Russel looked at each of his band mates then shook his head.

"Fine, I'm still confused, but I am really happy that you're back man. You're kind of like a little brother to me; it sucked when you were gone."

"We missed you a lot especially Murdoc-san." Noodle said glancing towards the bassist.

"I know, he told me…So wot all have I missed 'round here?"

The next few hours were spent talking over the things that had happened since 2D's death. Sometimes Murdoc would notice Russel staring at him like he wanted to take him into another room and ask him exactly what it was that he did to bring the singer back. He never said anything though, just kept talking about the things that had been going on. They talked about the trials and the media frenzy for a little while, tried to figure out how and when they would tell the rest of the world that 2D was alive again. They didn't really want to tell people the truth, mostly because it sounded utterly insane. They didn't have to come up with anything immediately; mostly they planned to leave the lying up to Murdoc.

They tried asking 2D some more about death, if he remembered anything else. They noticed Noodle looked uncomfortable when they brought up the blue haired man's death. After awhile she ended up burying her face against his side again and eventually falling asleep that way. Once she was asleep they started talking about the more so morbid topics again trying to figure things out.

"Could you see anything where you were, like what was going on here?" Russel asked once they were sure Noodle was really asleep.

"Nah I couldn' I remember a lot of like white light. I tried looking for somebody, but it was just really vacant…I can't fink of anything else t'ough, I just remember waking up in t'e coffin and Mu'doc digging me out."

"Why did you leave him buried down there?" Russel asked sounding slightly irritated.

"I didn't have a choice; if I wanted it to work properly then I had to leave him down t'ere. Yew think I actually liked leaving him down t'ere?"

"What kind of spell did you use?" The drummer asked sighing heavily.

Murdoc smiled and shook his head.

"Nope sorry mate, I'll tell ya later."

"Well I see you're back to being an ass."

"He's been real nice to me ever since I came back." 2D said happily.

"Well yeah 'D he's got feelings for you."

"I know, but still" The singer mumbled smiling sheepishly.

"Not like I'm t'at hard to tolerate, yer just too sensitive ya know…Always thinking stuff is out to get yew, bad enough yer on those stupid panic pills of yers."

"Bull shit, half the time I want to strangle you. Except when 2D died then I felt really bad for you, but now that' he's back and you seem fine again."

"Please I know yew actually like me; if ya didn't then yew would have fled ages ago." Murdoc said smirking at the larger man.

Russel rubbed his forehead and groaned.

"I fink I'm going to take Noodle to her room t'en head out to my own bedroom….I'll see yew guys later." 2D said as he picked the guitarist up off of the couch and carried her down the hall way.

Once he was out of ear shot Russel started up on the questions he'd been wanting to ask the past few hours.

"Seriously what did you do?"

"Well I got out that spell book yew told me to get rid of. I found a spell in t'ere for a resurrection demon, said it'd work and it wouldn' hurt him at all."

"I can't believe you, I told you not to be messing around with demons. We live on top of the portal to hell and you go and call something from there, how do you know it wasn't lying to you?"

Murdoc kicked his feet up on the coffee table. He knew Russel would be at him the moment he told him that he used a demon to bring 2D back.

"It didn't like to me, trust me on that. T'ey don't fuck yew over on these sorts of things, especially somebody like me."

"You know we were here to talk to you, instead you just locked yourself up, and did this shit."

"W'at the hell else was I supposed to do, huh? W'at just leave him dead, move on, forget he even existed like yew did. Fuck t'at, even the demon told me t'at it wasn't his time to die it was supposed to be me, not him. Yew can't tell me t'at yew aren't happy to see him again." Murdoc said angrily.

Russel lowered his eyes.

"Of course I'm happy he's back, just….What did this cost you?"

"I got five years then they come for my soul." The bassist said his voice low.

He looked towards the hall way to make sure nobody could hear them talking.

"Does 2D know about that?"

"No and yew aren't going to fucking tell him either."

"So what you're just going to die in five years, leave him alone?"

"I'm not going to die, they'll be taking me body and all…I'm just setting things the way t'ey were supposed to be."

"Was it really worth it, it's going to tear him apart when one day you're just gone."

"I'll tell him about t'e deal, but when I'm ready to….Yew don't understand." Murdoc said running his fingers back through his hair.

"Understand what that you decided to bring him back from the dead instead of just coping with it. That you love him so much that you're just going to up and leave him in five years, is that what you want me to understand?" Russel asked angrily.

"Shut up, okay just shut up. That isn't…That isn't it, he wasn't supposed to die I was supposed to. I'm setting things right and I was handling it my own way, tell me w'at's right and what's wrong when you haven't had yer best friend inside yer head for all those years. He's the only person to actually care about me why the fuck would I just leave him like t'at?"

"You blame yourself for what happened?" The larger man asked his voice softer now.

"It is my fault, I should have just….None of it should have happened."

"You can't blame yourself man, you couldn't have done anything."

"Yeah I could have, he should have just stayed inside….I didn't do this completely for myself ya know, I'm not t'at much of a nob…He deserves another chance, long happy life…"

"Then you leave him again."

"I don't want to, I just have to…He'll get over it t'ough, yeah he'll be sad, but he'll have yew guys. Don't yew dare fucking leave him, got it?"

"We won't, he's family to us."

"I'm gonna go out to t'e car lot…I'll talk to yew later and remember don't fucking tell anybody about t'e deal." Murdoc said warningly before leaving the room.


	14. Chapter Thirteen

The two men sat in the one spot outside of Kong Studios that wasn't coated with trash. It was actually the only area where grass continued to grow and the walkers rarely came near, it was also the spot they used to go and drink. The times where they used to sit and talk about things they would never think of saying inside of the building or around other people.

Murdoc looked over at the blue haired singer who was staring out over the desolated land his blackened eyes shining. Every now and again he would take a drink from the bottle of wine they had been passing back and forth for the past half hour. He'd been alive for several weeks now, the Satanist was still trying to figure out a lie he could tell the public and their record company. He had a few ideas, but they didn't seem too plausible, then again nothing he said would seem like the truth.

"Do yew remember when I woke up out of t'at coma fing?" 2D asked looking over at the older man.

"Of course I remember t'at yer mum screamed at me for 'bout an hour for knocking yer eye out." Murdoc said he smirked when he thought back to it.

He had been the cause of many angry women, but that was the most pissed off he had ever seen a woman due to one of his many idiotic actions. He had felt slightly bad for knocking her son's eye in like that, but he felt proud he managed to bring him out of his coma.

"I could hear her screaming at yew in t'e hall way, I fink most t'e hospital heard her." 2D said laughing.

"Can't blame her too much, I did hit yew with my car twice."

Murdoc took the bottle from the singer.

"I remember yew were t'e only person who didn't scream when t'ey saw me." The blue haired man said his voice soft.

"Why would I scream?"

"Everybody else did; even t'e nurses were scared of me…My own mum couldn' look at me, girlfriend puked when she got a look at me…Hell even I freaked out when I finally got a look at myself….Yew never got scared t'ough."

"Yew looked fucking gorgeous; yer still gorgeous, I don't get why anybody would be scared of yew."

The last thing 2D's mom had said to Murdoc before leaving the hospital was that she didn't want the Satanist anywhere near her son and that he had done enough damage already. Five minutes later he had went into the singer's room to see him curled up in a ball sobbing and mumbling about how hideous he was. The bassist had no idea what to do in the situation so he just pretended the younger man wasn't crying, he sat down in the chair next to his bed, and started talking to him. 2D had looked shocked that somebody would actually speak to him; he even hid under the blanket while asking why Murdoc would even want to sit with him.

"I look like a freak, like a monster. People aren't scared of me now just cause I'm famous, t'ey just like who t'ey fink that I am…..Now I'm a zombie, do yew fink people can actually look past t'at?"

"Forget t'em t'ey don't know anything, I know it isn't much of a consolation, but yew have me."

Murdoc placed his hand over the singer's squeezing lightly; 2D looked up at him and smiled sadly.

"It means a lot, t'is is actually the happiest I've been in a long time. It used to drive me crazy finking 'bout if or when I'd tell yew t'at I'm in love with yew."

"I hate to say it, but I'm kind of happy t'at things worked out t'is way."

"Why?" 2D asked tilting his head to the side.

"Well if I had kissed yew back t'at night and taken yew home I would have just used yew. I know myself well enough t'at I would have shagged yew as much as possible, beat yew up twice as much, an' just hoped t'at yew would get the hell over loving me."

Murdoc hated the person that his father turned him into, but he could only blame the bastard for so much. The rest he had done himself; nobody made him become that heartless or that self involved. He had done it himself initially as a façade, but over time it just became his main personality. He never wanted to admit it, but he had treated every woman he dated for longer than a week almost as badly as his father had treated women.

"I figured t'at's wot would have happened."

"Then why the hell did yew go ahead and tell me t'at yew loved me?" The bassist asked confused.

2D smiled and shook his head causing his hair to fall in his face.

"I was gonna lose my mind if I didn' tell yew how I feel. I knew yew would either beat me up cause of it or yew would just make my life worse. I didn't care t'ough, because I just wanted yew in some way even if it wasn't t'e way t'at I really wanted….Oh and I don' fink I would have left if yew abused me, that even scares me when I fink about it."

Murdoc felt a chill go up his spine at the black eyed man's words.

"Yer dumb ya know that?"

"I know, I love yew"

"I love yew too, I promise not to hurt yew."

The bassist moved closer placing a hand on the back of 2D's head. He leaned in kissing him passionately; the younger man kissed back tangling his fingers in the older man's hair. He moved onto Murdoc's lap pressing himself against the shorter man as they kissed. He ran his hands up under 2D's shirt lightly raking his nails along his back smiling into the kiss when the singer moaned in response. 2D broke away from the kiss, he removed his shirt dropping it to the ground, he grabbed onto the collar of Murdoc's shirt tugging the older man on top of him as he lay back on the ground. The Satanist kissed him roughly growling when 2D's hand began rubbing against the growing bulge in the front of his jeans. He ground himself against the singer's hand biting at his bottom lip breaking the skin. Murdoc pushed the singer's hand away, he took hold of his hip his nails biting into the skin, and he ground himself against the man under him cursing under his breath at the friction.

Murdoc ran the tip of his tongue along 2D's neck down to his chest. The singer's fingers were tangled in his hair pushing and pulling, he bit against the younger man's skin making him moan. He slowly ran his hand along 2D's inner thigh stopping at his crotch; the blue haired man moved his hips trying to get the bassist to touch him further.

"Please, c'mon Muds" The singer begged his voice breaking.

Murdoc nipped at his skin then stared up at the younger man loving the look of lust and frustration on his face. He gave a light squeeze to 2D's crotch, he bucked his hips.

"Please what?"

"P-please Mu'doc" He whimpered his voice sounding desperate.

The Satanist pulled his hand away completely, 2D groaned in frustration. He moved up hovering over the blue haired man, he ran his index finger along his jaw line.

"Gotta tell me w'at yew want pet."

2D blushed; the bassist ran his finger down along his neck, the singer shivered. 2D placed a hand on the back of Murdoc's neck pulling the Satanist down against him; he kissed him hungrily pushing his tongue inside of his mouth. The older man moaned surprised by the singer's actions; the singer took hold of his hand placing it on his crotch. Murdoc took the hint and quickly unfastened the younger man's jeans slipping his hand inside grabbing hold of his hard dick. He stroked him slowly, quickening his pace when 2D began thrusting his hips fucking his fist. The Satanist pulled his hand away smirking when the blue haired man whimpered frustrated. Murdoc sat back on his knees removing his shirt, 2D sat up and began kissing and sucking at the bassist neck. He quickly unfastened the older man's jeans, he kissed down to Murdoc's chest before pulling back and staring up at the older man.

"I need yew" 2D whispered his voice heavy.

Murdoc pushed him back onto the ground pulling 2D's jeans off along with his own. He pushed the singer's legs apart settling between them, he leaned down kissing him roughly. He placed a hand on the younger man's hip pulling him up a bit; he broke from the kiss and pressed two fingers against 2D's lips. The blue haired man wrapped his tongue around the digits pulling them into his mouth sucking hard. His black eyes were locked on the older man's a mischievous look in his eyes as he worked his tongue against the bassist fingers.

The Satanist pulled his fingers out, he moved his hand down between the singer's legs.

"It's going to hurt some, okay?" He whispered against 2D's ear.

The younger man nodded in reply.

Murdoc pushed a finger inside of him, 2D's body tensed in response to the intrusion. He kissed along the pianist neck waiting for him to adjust and relax to the feeling. He moved his finger in and out slowly then added a second one when 2D's body became less tense. He moved his fingers around inside of him pulling them out then pushing back in, the younger man whimpered in pain at first, but quickly adjusted to the feeling.

2D let out a loud moan tossing his head back against the ground his eyes shut tightly. Murdoc pulled out then shoved back in his fingers pushing against that spot causing the younger man to thrust his hips in response. He repeated the action a few more times biting and sucking against 2D's neck before pulling his fingers out.

Murdoc sat back on his knees; 2D looked up at him confused.

"Suck my dick"

He couldn't help but smile at the blush that spread across the singer's face at his words. He quickly scrambled over to the bassist, his head bowed, and hair hiding his face. He placed on hand on the older man's hip then wrapped the other around his cock. He took the head into his mouth sucking lightly, his tongue working around it then flicking across the tip. Murdoc pushed his hair out of his face his eyes locked on the younger man and his actions.

"Look at me"

2D opened his eyes and looked up at the Satanist. He took more of him into his mouth his hand still working the base, he ran his tongue along the under side. Occasionally he would hum around the older man sending shivers through his body; Murdoc dug his nails into the singer's scalp. He pulled at the other man's hair, 2D pulled off of him.

"Yer way too fucking good at t'at luv." The Satanist mumbled he placed his hand against the singer's chest pushing him back onto the ground.

He gripped tightly to the blue haired man's hips; he slowly pushed himself inside of him doing his best not to hurt him. 2D closed his eyes tightly and bit at his bottom lip, Murdoc combed his fingers through his hair. Once he was completely inside of him he stayed still, 2D turned his head to the side doing his best to keep from crying in pain.

"It's a'right, just relax, okay?" The Satanist whispered softly as he brushed his fingers through his hair.

He pulled half way out then pushed back in, 2D whimpered quietly.

"I'll stop if yew want me to, I don't wanna hurt yew t'at much."

2D shook his head; he opened his eyes and looked up at the older man.

"N-no I'll be fine."

"Try to relax; I swear it'll make it better."

Murdoc kissed him gently; 2D placed a hand on the back of his head kissing back his lips trembling. The bassist put his hand between them taking hold of the singer's dick and began stroking him. He felt the other man's muscles loosen up, he pulled out then pushed back in. 2D let out a low moan, he repeated the motion stroking the pianist erection in time with his slow thrusts. His moans went from ones of pain to ones of pleasure; he wrapped a leg around Murdoc's back pushing him closer. The Satanist buried his face against the crook of his neck biting at the skin; he pulled out then shoved back in harder this time making the vocalist moan loudly.

"Feel better?"

"Much b-better"

Murdoc ran his tongue along the shell of 2D's ear then bit down on the lobe. He moved down to his chest running his tongue along the scar there, he gripped tightly to the blue haired man's hips as he fucked him harder. 2D tugged at his hair, his legs were wrapped firmly around his back pushing him deeper. Murdoc moved back up to his lips kissing him roughly, fingers dug into his shoulder blades as the other man thrust his hips matching his pace.

He wrapped his arms around 2D's waist pulling him up onto his lap. The singer wrapped his arms around his neck holding himself steady as he impaled himself on the bassist dick; Murdoc moaned pushing his hips up thrusting into the vocalist.

The Satanist wrapped his fingers around 2D's dick stroking him; they kissed passionately their bodies pressed against each other. The pianist fingers were digging into his back as he rocked his hips against the older man, Murdoc placed a hand on the small of his back pulling the younger man down with him as he lay down on the ground. 2D sat up placing his hands on the bassist chest his head bowed and eyes shut tightly. The Satanist ran his fingers through his hair then down along his cheek panting and moaning as the younger man rode him. He gripped tightly to 2D's hips holding him down thrusting upwards, the younger man leaned forward resting his forehead against the older man's chest his breathing ragged. With a few more thrusts he was coming inside of the singer, he pushed 2D off of him and onto the ground. The vocalist looked up at him through half lidded eyes; Murdoc kissed him swallowing his moans as he took hold of his dick pumping him. 2D bucked his hips fucking the Satanist hand bringing himself closer to his climax, he came hard into Murdoc's hand his body trembling.

He broke from the kiss and looked down at the younger man. 2D leaned up kissing him quickly; he smiled shyly his face flushed and hair sticking to his face.

"Yew are so fucking beautiful, why do I deserve yew again?" Murdoc whispered as he ran his fingers along 2D's cheek.

"A lot of reasons, I don't plan on leaving again."

The bassist moved off of him and lay down on his side facing the singer. 2D pressed himself against Murdoc burying his face against his chest, the older man wrapped his arms around him holding him tightly.

"I love yew so much"

"I love yew too" The younger man whispered.


	15. Chapter Fourteen

"Have you even come up with something to tell people?" Russel asked as he walked into the living room.

Murdoc sat on the couch with 2D and Noodle watching his two band mates playing video games.

"I'll take care of it" He replied waving off the larger man.

"You've said that for what seven weeks now?"

"I got it under control five arse, now calm down not like anybody is asking."

He had a couple of lies in mind, but he wasn't sure how well they would work. There of course was the possibility of telling people the truth, but honestly that was just a joke.

"You keep saying that too, come on man we have to tell people something. Not like we can pretend 2D isn't back or just act like that's completely normal."

Murdoc turned and looked up at the drummer and grinned, Russel began rubbing at his forehead.

"No"

"Come on, that's actually a good idea yew know. Just make everybody feel completely insane or somethin'."

"We're not pretending 2D didn't die. Remember the trials, the guy who's in a mental institute, and the funeral?"

"Hey mate yer t'e one who brought the idea up." Murdoc said smirking.

"Why do I even try fucking talking to you, not like you listen, and I sure as hell don't get why you're in charge of everything that has to do with the band."

"Let's see; probably cause it's my band, now stop yer bitching fattie."

"Next time you call me fat I'm punching you in the face." Russel said glaring at the older man.

Murdoc rolled his eyes and turned his attention back to the TV.

"Why don' we just tell people t'e truth?" 2D asked glancing over at the Satanist.

"Yeah t'at will work wonders; hey everybody about 2D dying I made a deal with a demon and brought him back. Then I'll end up in t'e loony bin wit' the rot who killed yew."

"It was just an idea." The singer mumbled.

"I know luv, just not a great one." Murdoc said sighing.

"Well you need to come up with something; we haven't exactly made any announcements since 2D died."

With that Russel left the room, Murdoc slumped down in his seat and folded his arms across his chest.

"Swear all he fuckin' does is nag, anybody else notice t'at?"

"He only gets annoyed with you Murdoc-san; I can not really blame him." Noodle said not taking her eyes off of the TV.

"Do either of yew have any ideas t'at don't involve the truth?"

"I don't have any, I still don' get why nobody would believe t'e truth."

"Because t'e truth is rather strange don't yew t'ink?"

2D sat the controller down on the floor and turned facing the older man.

"Not really, nofink t'at happens to us is really normal."

"Good point, but it's still weird…I'll come up wit' something by the end of the month, we'll hold a conference, and t'en it'll be over."

It wasn't like he really cared what people said or if they believed a single word that he said. That was one of the reasons he wasn't really in a hurry with the announcement. He knew that people would hear what he had to say about it, but then a second later they would be making up their own ideas and theories. There would surely be a few who would come up with ideas that would actually be the truth, but they would think it's so crazy they wouldn't say anything about it. If anybody did ever come up to him and ask if he used a spell to bring 2D back he would tell them that he did. Not like anybody would believe them, he still wondered about his own sanity on the entire matter. He had seen and done a lot of strange things related to the occult, usually when somebody saw him he would pretend nothing was going on and make them feel as mentally ill as he could. It was one of the numerous reasons that Russel was so medicated for mental problems.

"Do yew actually have some ideas or did yew just say t'at so Russ would leave?" 2D asked smiling slightly.

"Both, I do have a couple of ideas. Not like it's a big deal, can' really get in trouble for yew not being dead. I'm gonna go out on t'e balcony, wanna come wit' me?"

Murdoc got up off of the couch and made his way outside, he pulled the pack of cigarettes out of his pocket and put one between his lips lighting it. He took a long drag; he held the stick between his fingers and let the smoke out watching it swirl around the darkened sky then fade away. He heard the glass door open then close; he looked over his shoulder to see 2D walking up beside him. He offered the cigarette pack to the singer; 2D took one out and the offered lighter.

The Satanist turned his attention back to the landfill under them; he could see a few zombies stumbling around. It had been awhile since he last killed any; anymore Noodle had been the one in charge of picking them off.

"Do yew fink t'at guy who killed me feels bad 'bout it?"

"I really doubt it, prick didn' really look like he felt bad 'bout it in court. I doubt t'at he feels bad about it now, especially since he's getting his grade A treatment inside of t'e asylum."

It still pissed him off that he got off that easily. That all he had to do was show a sign of progress with his drug addiction or his supposed mental disorders and he would get more and more freedom. Eventually they would just release him, let him go back into the world. He could go find his girlfriend and make her life hell, possibly even kill her for turning him into the police, and there was a good chance that he would come after Murdoc. The guy wasn't mentally ill, but he was determined in his violent tendencies.

"Fink t'at they'll let him out?"

"Yeah I do" The older man replied, he lowered his head his bangs covering his eyes. He took one last drag from his cigarette before flipping it over the railing.

"I'm kinda like a zombie now aren't I?"

He looked over at the vocalist confused at his question.

"No luv they're not exactly alive, yew are very much alive."

2D nodded slowly. Murdoc walked over to him taking hold of his hand, the singer looked up at him.

"Sorry I keep askin' yew dumb stuff."

"Yew always ask me dumb stuff, I'm used to it by now." The older man said smiling.

2D dropped his cigarette to the ground and the bassist stubbed it out with the toe of his shoe. He cupped the singer's face and kissed him deeply, 2D wrapped his arms around him kissing back.


	16. Chapter Fifteen

Murdoc moaned loudly, he dug his nails into 2D's hips as he continued thrusting up into the younger man straddling him. He sat up running his tongue down the vocalist neck then biting down breaking the skin the pianist whimpering in response, he sucked on the wound. He felt fingers digging into his shoulder blade as he caressed his tongue over the mark. Murdoc ran his tongue down along the blue haired man's chest then moved back up kissing him roughly, 2D nipped at his bottom lip. The bassist broke away and grinned up at the younger man; he stroked his fingers through the singer's now short messed hair, his eyes were half lidded, and shining. Murdoc kissed him again pushing his tongue inside of his mouth; 2D moaned his fingers digging into the Satanist skin. His moans grew louder his body trembling as Murdoc continued thrusting into him, one hand gripping tightly to his hip as the vocalist rocked against him. 2D placed his hands firmly against the older man's chest pushing him back onto the bed; he moved almost completely off of Murdoc's dick then pushed back down. The Satanist tossed his head back moaning loudly, cursing loudly at the feeling of the vocalist tight heat wrapped around him. He closed his eyes tightly; 2D dug his nails against his chest as he thrust himself against the older man impaling himself over and over again. Murdoc felt fingers tangling in his hair, 2D jerked his head back roughly. The bassist opened his eyes staring up into the younger man's, he grinned up at him loving the seductive and slightly dominant look on his face. The blue haired man kissed him roughly his teeth digging into the older man's bottom lip breaking the skin, Murdoc held onto him tightly thrusting up into him harder causing 2D to cry out loudly.

Murdoc reached between them wrapping his fingers around 2D's cock. He stroked him in time with their frantic pace; he rubbed the pad of his thumb back and forth over the head making the singer jerk and moan loudly burying his face against the bassist chest his nails digging into his skin. Murdoc listened to every cuss word and plead for more that fell from the younger man's mouth, it drove him insane.

Murdoc pulled the younger man off of him and laid him on his back, 2D stared up at him looking confused. He brushed his lips against the singer's neck then pulled away looking down at him.

"C'mon, why did yew stop?" 2D asked his voice heavy and frustrated sounding.

The bassist ran his fingers down along the vocalist side causing him to shiver.

"It makes yew frustrated, plus I like when I can make ya beg." He whispered against 2D's ear before flicking his tongue against the lobe.

"Mu'doc please…Jus….Please"

"Please what pet?" Murdoc asked as he traced his index finger down along the blue haired man's neck.

"I-I…Please….I need it" 2D pleaded his voice high.

He loved the frustration; he loved teasing him, and getting him to say the things that caused him to blush with embarrassment.

"Come on darling I want to hear way more t'an that."

He moved his finger down along his chest down to his stomach stopping just above his groin. 2D gave a low moan and bucked his hips.

"Fuck me"

"How do yew want it luv?" Murdoc asked staring down at him; 2D looked away blushing then met the Satanist eyes again.

"H-hard, please Mu'doc fuck me, I need yew." The singer begged

"Good boy"

Murdoc grabbed hold of his thighs pushing his legs apart, he thrust inside of his body 2D tossed his head back moaning loudly. The Satanist dug his nails into his flesh piercing the skin; he dipped down running his tongue from the base to the head of the younger man's dick running the tip of his tongue back and forth over the slit. He ran his tongue up 2D's stomach to his chest; he tangled his fingers in the vocalist hair and jerked his head back. He opened his eyes staring up into Murdoc's mismatched eyes, the bassist kissed him hungrily. He fucked 2D harder, he moved his hands to his hips tilting his lower body upwards as he picked up his pace. He felt the singer's body tightening around him, his moaning louder as he started to come. Murdoc gave another hard thrust coming deep inside of the blue haired man, he buried his face in the crook of his neck cursing and moaning as he came inside of him.

He pulled out of the taller man and flopped down on his back staring up at the cracked ceiling his breaths coming out ragged. 2D crawled on top of him his head resting against his chest and fingers curling against his skin, he wrapped an arm loosely around the singer's back.

"I fink we've spent most t'e day shagging." 2D said laughing.

Murdoc ruffled his hair.

"Pretty sure we've spent most t'e weekend doing t'is."

They had spent one day in the Winnebago and now they were in 2D's room. Murdoc enjoyed any moments where it was just the two of them alone, where he forgot he was in a band, that 2D used to be dead, and that he still needed to come up with a full proof lie to tell the public about what had happened all of those months ago.

"Have yew come up wit' somefink to tell people 'bout where I was?" 2D asked looking up at the bassist.

"Er kind of…not completely though, I'll get it worked out."

"So yer avoiding Russ until yew come up wit' somefink?" The singer asked smiling.

"Yeah t'at's my plan, he keeps getting on me 'bout it…Really annoying trying to just drink and sit in yer own living room wit' t'at idiot going on about stuff." Murdoc said rolling his eyes.

He knew Russel was right, but every other day he had to bring it up. Murdoc knew that he had to come up with something soon. He was already losing track of how long 2D had been alive, he had a calendar where he kept track of it, but personally he tried to forget. He knew what would happen and if he could keep that out of his mind then he was better off.

"So t'at is why yew keep shagging me, to avoid Russ? I fink I feel used." 2D said fake pouting.

"Ya know yew like it, yew don't get as flustered when I have yew beg." Murdoc replied smirking as he grabbed the singer's ass.

"Only cause I'm comfortable wit' yew."

"Good, so yew trust me?"

"Wit' my life" the singer replied grinning.

"I swear I'd be in t'e asylum right now if I didn't have yew right now. Yew keep me stable, no idea w'at I'd do without yew." Murdoc whispered as he ran his fingers through 2D's hair.

"Yew never have to worry about t'at, I don't plan on going anywhere. Yew have me forever, even if ya get tired of me an' stuff."

Murdoc kissed him slowly, his fingers brushing against his skin.

2D buried his face in the crook of his neck; the bassist closed his eyes smiling softly. He felt guilty as hell; his boyfriend had every right to know about the rest of the deal. The part where Murdoc had to go away in a few years, he had to tell him eventually. It wasn't like he could just disappear and have 2D find out from Russel that would be heartless. It wasn't the right time though, there were moments where it felt like he should tell him, but the minute he looked him in the eye and saw how much the singer really did love him he just couldn't. He couldn't tell him that he'd be leaving him all alone; he really didn't want to leave 2D. He didn't want to go to Hell and be tortured until his body died and nothing was left but his soul, he wanted to stay on Earth with 2D in his arms. Sometimes he wished he had never gotten into Satanism and black magic, but if it wasn't for these things he would have never met the younger man. He never would have known what love could feel like, how much it could hurt.

"I love yew so fucking much."

"I love yew too Mudsy."

He really wished that love didn't hurt this much.


	17. Chapter Sixteen

Murdoc stood with his band mates in the back part of the building where the conference was going to be held. He could hear people outside talking trying to figure out what the band had to say after all of these months since 2D's death. He had spent two months working on a lie; on several occasions he went back to thinking maybe the truth wasn't completely crazy. Hell even right now he was thinking that the truth might work, but he really didn't want to risk people thinking he was lying. That was the confusing part of telling the truth; there was a chance it would upset people more than a simple lie could. If he told people about 2D dying and the spell he used to bring him back there was a chance, more than a chance that nobody would believe him. That they would get angry and probably even take some of their hate out towards 2D even though none of it was his fault. He knew his lie would irritate people, confuse them, and most likely there would be more than a few people who would think; know that he was full of shit. Russel had even warned him that people wouldn't buy something like that and if they did it would just frustrate them wondering why the band would keep something like that from everybody. To be completely honest the Satanist just wanted to avoid the entire thing completely, his lies worked in most situations, but those were smaller lies.

He looked over at 2D who was leaning back against the wall staring down at the floor. It had taken nearly an hour to convince the vocalist to even come with them. He couldn't blame the blue haired man for not wanting to go; having a room full of people staring at him like he just came from another planet wasn't going to be too fun for any of them.

"So are we going out now?" Russel asked getting up from the chair he had been sitting in.

"Yeah might as well get t'is the fuck over with. A'right we'll go out and I'll tell them w'at happened t'en yew can come out, okay?"

2D looked up at the older man and nodded in reply.

"Let's go"

Murdoc walked out with the other two behind him. The voices in the room got louder as the three of them sat down, he recognized a few of the reporters from the trials. The ones he had threatened because of the dumb things they had asked, some part of him didn't even know why they owed the public an explanation. He didn't get why they couldn't just play a show, people see 2D was alive again, and never say a word to explain it.

"This is t'e first any of yew have heard from us in nearly a year now. We're here to discuss t'e death of our band's vocalist 2D…."

Most of the room fell silent except for a few people still talking, most of them looked nervous.

"We wanted to inform yew all t'at we lied when we said t'at he was dead…Well not exactly lied, at first we t'ought that he was dead as well, and so did t'e doctors at the hospital."

Now everybody in the room was silent, most of them looking around at each other with confused expressions on their faces.

"He was pronounced dead, but w'en they checked again t'ey found out his heart had started again….Apparently t'e bullet didn' pierce his heart, just missed it, and caused him to go into a comatose state. T'e reason t'at we told everybody t'at he died is because according to t'e doctors there was a high chance he wouldn' wake up, but two months ago he came out of it….I know it's not a grand explanation, but it's t'e best yew people are going to get."

"You're lying, right?" A woman near the front asked looking offended.

Murdoc rolled his eyes and sat back in his chair folding his arms across his chest.

"2D yew can come out now mate." The bassist called looking towards the door.

The singer walked out and hurried over to the table sitting next to the Satanist. Murdoc reached under the table taking hold of 2D's hand giving it a gentle squeeze, the singer glanced at him and smiled nervously.

Murdoc looked over the crowded room and the more than shocked expressions on everybody's faces. This time there was absolutely no sound in the room.

"Like I told yew it isn't a great explanation, but it's true and our lead singer is back. We would have said somethin' sooner once he came out of the coma, but we just wanted to make sure t'at nothing bad happened."

"What about the funeral?"

"It was fake, mostly to get yew people to stop bothering us." The bassist replied annoyed.

"Was William really charged with murder, 2D isn't dead so the charges don't make sense?"

"Yes t'e rotted bastard is locked away on murder charges among many other lovely little t'ings. As far as the court looked at it he put 2D in a coma, he was dead for several minutes, and there was a chance he would die again so yes William was charged with murder."

He felt less nervous and anxious now; he glanced over to see 2D looking down. He knew the singer didn't want to be there, but it wouldn't be much longer until they could go back home and forget about all of this. Murdoc thought over all of the people he was going to have to pay off to keep them quiet. There were several lawyers, cops, judges, witnesses, and of course half of the staff at the hospital. That was the one thing he didn't inform his band mates of, he knew it would cost thousands, but they didn't need to know that yet.

The questions went on for what seemed like forever, for the first hour they were repetitive. People asking the same things over and over again trying to trip up the bassist and find out that he was making this up, of course it was all bull shit, but they didn't need to know that; if they knew Murdoc well enough they would know how well he could lie and keep it straight. After that they started asking 2D questions, he answered what he could just going off of what the Satanist had been saying and some things he had coached him to say the days leading up to this meeting. Russel and Noodle stayed silent for the most part, both of them looking bored. About two hours later it was over and the four of them left the building quickly ensuring they wouldn't run into anymore reporters.

"I don't think they bought it, I told you that was a dumb idea." Russel said from the back seat once they were on the main road.

"Whatever at least it's better than yer idea, yew guys are horrible at lying."

"I didn' even want to lie, still don't get 'ow t'e truth would have sounded crazy." 2D mumbled looking out the car window.

"Well it was either somethin' t'at would get me thrown into t'e nut house or somethin' t'at would just piss people off."

"I think a few people might have believed it, honestly I believe they were too shocked to see 2D-san to really argue anything."

"That was still a horrible idea; people are going to be asking about this for ages."

Murdoc didn't really care; it was over and that was the only thing that mattered. Anything related to 2D's death was finally over, things could go somewhere back to normal. He was even starting to ignore what was going to happen in a few more years, he knew no matter how much he ignored it, it was still going to happen, but not for a long time now. He had years before he really had to worry about that, as far as he was concerned there was nothing left to worry about for now.

When they pulled into the car lot the four of them sat in the car for a moment like they were all finally realizing all of the things that had happened in the past few months. It was all enough to make a person lose their mind, it was hard for any of them to grasp onto it. To believe one minute things are normal, the next 2D died, and then here the four of them were sitting in their car like none of that ever happened.

"I'm going inside, need to clean up the recording studio." Russel said climbing out of the car.

"Yew gotta be fuckin' kidding me; I told yew not to get blood and chemicals everywhere. Why can' yew just do t'at shit in yer bloody room for?" Murdoc yelled angrily as he turned and glared at the larger man.

"I can't do it in my room; I eat in there that would be gross. Besides the studio and living room have a lot more space."

"It's my house, yer lucky I even let yew live here. Go and mess everything up, looks like a damn slaughter house every time yew work on t'ose damn things."

"Look at least I actually clean up around here, same with Noodle. We clean up after your ass constantly, you don't do anything other than go into that stupid tin can of yours and drink all day."

"I do stuff, just yer too busy breathing in chemicals to fucking notice it."

"Like what, tell me one thing that you've actually done." Russel asked folding his arms across his chest; he stared down at the bassist almost like he could intimidate him.

Murdoc smirked and walked closer to the drummer staring up at him.

"I brought Stu back, I did that fabulous job of telling everybody he didn' die, I got us signed to a record label, I got us t'is house, an-"

"I meant something lately and this place is a fucking death trap, plus we're over the damn hell mouth. Plus that wasn't even a good lie; they only went along with it because they were so freaked out to see 2D alive again."

"Whatever, yew just hate giving me credit don' ya?"

"Know what, I'm going inside, clean up since you never do." Russel said turning and going into the house.

Noodle got out of the car and followed the drummer inside shutting the door behind her. Murdoc leaned back against the side of the vehicle and smiled to himself.

"Yew guys fight too much." 2D said as he walked over to the Satanist.

"It's how we communicate." The older man said shrugging.

"Russ is right t'ough people didn' really argue yew cause t'ey were freaked out."

"I know, but it doesn't really matter. Yer back, those idiots know about it now, and as far as I can see all t'is shit is over with. Come on let's go to yer room."

Murdoc took the younger man by the hand and led him into the bedroom. He was more than happy to get back to just wasting time.


	18. Chapter Seventeen

The Satanist sat in the living room staring at the TV not even paying attention to what was on. It was the first time in weeks that Russel and Noodle had been out of the house, they were doing minor damage patrol on the lie that Murdoc had told. They hadn't been too happy about it, but as far as Murdoc saw it they all had to take part in this little story that he fed the public and it was their turn.

He looked up when 2D entered the room carrying a DVD case in his hand, Murdoc groaned when he noticed what movie it was.

"Wot?" The singer asked after putting the disc in and pressing play.

He went over and sat down next to the older man.

"I love yew, but come on pet yew've seen t'is movie a hundred times now."

"I know, but I like t'em…Please just sit through it wit' me this one time?"

"Fine, not like I was really watching anything." The older man said sighing heavily.

He didn't care if the vocalist watched his zombie movies; they just got on his nerves after awhile. Though that had been one of the things he had missed while 2D had been dead had to sit through these movies with him. He always watched them like he had never seen them before, like he noticed something new each time that he watched them. Murdoc on the other hand had seen them enough times to know every scene with ease and at this point just tuned the films out completely. He usually just spent the time stealing glances at the blue haired man. Those were the times he could stare at 2D as long as he wanted to without him catching on; he liked those moments even though back then they had frustrated him and scared him. It was hard for him to think and find a good reason for the way he had been, he had never seen anything wrong with abusing 2D back then. Now it made him uneasy the times he thought about it or the times he would notice faded scars on the vocalist from where he had hit him too hard. He really wished he had come from a different family, a different life style where he wouldn't have turned out so fucked up and scared to actually care for somebody.

His family was a million years ago though, sometimes he would receive letters from his father. They were generally threats; reminding him what a horrible son he had always been, how much money he supposedly owed the decaying old man. He would tear them up and burn them in the car lot, he rarely told anybody about the letters.

Murdoc looked over at the singer; he was leaning forward staring up at the screen like he was amazed by the slaughter being depicted. The Satanist placed a hand on 2D's knee, the other man didn't react. He slowly moved his hand upwards to the younger man's inner thigh; he felt his body tense slightly. He kept his eyes locked on 2D's face looking for an obvious reaction. He lightly ran his fingers over his crotch, 2D's body jerked in response and his breathing hitched. Murdoc smiled to himself; he ran his hand up under the taller man's shirt dragging his nails against his skin causing him to tense and shiver. The bassist brushed his fingers over the pianist nipple eliciting a soft moan from him; he placed his other hand on 2D's cheek turning his head to face him. Murdoc leaned in kissing him hard, he moved onto the blue haired man's lap. 2D placed his hands on the Satanist hips pulling him forward, Murdoc ground down against him, the younger man groaned bucking his hips up. The bassist bit at his bottom lip, he pulled away and moved to his neck biting and sucking at the skin. Fingers tangled in his hair, nails digging into his skin. He continued grounding his hips against the singer's, Murdoc grabbed onto the hem of 2D's shirt pulling it up over his head and throwing it over the back of the couch.

He took the vocalist nipple into his mouth sucking, flicking his tongue back and forth over the nub. Fingers tugged at his hair, Murdoc pulled back and stared down at the younger man. The bassist trailed his hand down the front of 2D's body down to his crotch grabbing hold of him rubbing and squeezing. The blue haired man bucked against his hand as more soft moans and whimpers fell from his parted lips.

Murdoc got off of him and kneeled down before the younger man. He unfastened 2D's jeans and pulled his dick out stroking it. The singer closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the couch; Murdoc ran the tip of his tongue back and forth over the slit before taking the head into his mouth sucking lightly. 2D draped a leg over his shoulder digging his toes into his back, the Satanist took more into his mouth sucking harder, and he curled his long tongue around 2D's length as he sucked harder. His other hand worked his balls; he kept his eyes focused on the blue haired man's face. His eyes were half open, lips parted, and hair in his face as he watched the older man. Murdoc moved his hand from the pianist balls to his leg digging his nails into his skin, he pulled half way off of the younger man's erection running his tongue along the under side then swirling it around the head.

The Satanist pulled away completely, he stood up and quickly removed his shirt and jeans. 2D's eyes wandered over his body; Murdoc smirked. He got on top of the singer kissing him roughly; he took hold of the vocalist hand bringing it up to his mouth. He stuck his tongue out wrapping it around two of the blue haired man's fingers pulling them into his mouth and sucking hard. 2D pulled his fingers out of the older man's mouth and moved his hand down; Murdoc kissed him hard groaning when he felt a finger pushing inside of him. The pianist combed his fingers through his hair comforting him as he moved his finger around inside of him before adding a second one. The Satanist gripped tightly to the back of the couch, he let out a low moan when the younger man's fingers pushed against his prostate sending shocks of pleasure through his body.

2D's fingers slipped out of him leaving him empty again, he could feel the head of the singer's dick pressing against his entrance. He slowly lowered himself onto him closing his eyes tightly doing his best to ignore the pain that he was feeling. The blue haired man kissed him slowly his hands running up and down his sides as he tried to distract the older man from the pain. Murdoc moved half way off then pushed back down, another shot of pain going through him. He buried his face against the crook of 2D's neck gritting his teeth. The pianist wrapped his fingers around his dick and began stroking him; the Satanist took a deep breath before thrusting against the taller man again. The singer gripped tightly to his hips pulling him down and forward, Murdoc moaned when he felt that familiar pleasure go through him.

He kissed 2D hungrily his tongue invading his mouth; he dug his nails into his shoulders as he pulled himself up then pushed back down impaling himself completely. 2D moaned into the kiss and thrust his hips moving in time with the older man's body. The pain faded to pleasure as the vocalist cock hit against that spot over and over again, 2D moved a hand from the Satanist hip to his erection stroking him in time with their thrusts. Murdoc broke from the kiss and trailed his tongue along the other man's neck before biting against his skin; he pressed himself against the younger man's sweaty body his eyes closed tightly as he focused on the nails biting into his skin, and the feeling of 2D thrusting inside of him.

Murdoc leaned his forehead against the singer's chest his breathing heavy as he came closer to his climax, he dug his nails into 2D's skin. He bit into the vocalist neck swallowing his moans as he came into his hand, the blue haired man thrust into him a couple more times pulling his body down against him as he came inside of him.

He collapsed against 2D's body panting, after a moment he moved off of the singer and laid down on the couch closing his eyes.

"Here take two of t'ese"

Murdoc opened his eyes to see 2D holding two of his migraine pills in the palm of his hand. The bassist took them popping them into his mouth and swallowing. He watched as the vocalist pulled his jeans on, he picked the older man's jeans up off of the floor and tossed them at him.

"Yew should get dressed before Noodle and Russel come home."

The older man groaned he got up off of the couch pulling his pants on then picking his shirt up off the floor. He followed 2D out into the car lot and into his bedroom; he flopped down on the bed staring up at the ceiling. He smiled softly when the pills started to kick in, he had almost forgotten how strong those damned things could be. 2D got on the bed and lay next to him resting his head on the bassist chest.

"Fucking forgot how strong t'ose pills of yers are….Do yew still take them?"

"No, haven't had any migraines since I got back."

"Yew were in Heaven weren't yew?"

"Yeah I was" 2D whispered sadly.

"When did yew finally remember?"

"Awhile ago"

"Why didn' yew tell me?" Murdoc asked looking down at the younger man.

"I don' know I jus' kinda wanted to forget any of it ever happened. I'm sorry"

"It's okay, w'at was it like?"

He had always wondered what the place he would never see was like. The place that he was banned from, he never minded it, but it meant that in the after life he would never be able to see 2D again. That was the only thing about it that scared him, in a few more years he was going to an after life where nothing good came.

"It…W'en I got t'ere I didn' see anybody, it just looked empty, and really bright. I heard voices; just people talking all around me and t'en somebody talking to me…They asked if I knew that I wasn't supposed to die, t'at yew were…Asked me why I saved t'e life of somebody who treated me like yew did an' I told t'em cause I love yew….They tol' me it wasn't my time, but I could stay cause of wot I did for yew…I didn' like it 'tough; they told me t'at Heaven is wot yew make it….I didn' want to be t'ere t'ough so I ddin' make anyfink of it, I just kept trying to get back home, and back to yew. I didn' wanna be t'ere; t'en the next thing I knew I woke up in t'at coffin an' I was scared until yew opened it up. I was so confused, but I was so happy t'at I was back, I didn' get wot happened, but I didn' care."

"Yew should have enjoyed it, yew deserved something nice after all the hell I put yew through."

"I t'ought I wouldn' mind it, being away from yew…I knew yew were safe an' I knew it'd hurt to be alive and realize yew still didn' love me, but I couldn'….I just wanted to be back wit' yew even if it made me miserable a lot of times."

Murdoc wrapped an arm around 2D; the younger man nuzzled his face against his neck.

"I'm sorry, don't think t'at I can tell yew t'at enough times….Yew really spent all t'at time thinking that I hated yew?"

"Yeah I did, sometimes I still don' believe yew love somefink like me." 2D replied sadly.

The bassist sat up, 2D stared up at him looking ashamed. Murdoc placed a hand on his cheek his fingers brushing over his skin.

"I love yew, please believe me when I tell yew that. Yer t'e best thing to happen to me in ages; I don't want yew to feel like ya mean nothing to me. I love yew Stuart, yer so beautiful…I would love to take back every bad thing I ever did to yew."

"I'm sorry, it's just still really weird y'know….I know yew love me an' t'at yew want to make up for everyfink." 2D said, he kissed the palm of the bassist hand where the scar still remained from the night he brought the vocalist back to life.

He held the younger man close kissing the top of his head. Murdoc lay back on the bed closing his eyes feeling the full effect of the pills he had taken.


	19. Chapter Eighteen

He had two months left, two months and he would be dragged off to hell. He knew that he needed to tell 2D about it, that every day was another day he lost. Sometimes he hoped that if he pushed it to the back of his mind far enough then maybe it wouldn't happen. That maybe if he just forgot about that part of the deal then they wouldn't come for him, maybe they would see how happy he was with 2D and they wouldn't make him leave; he needed to tell him. Just every time that he went to do it he locked up, the words dried up and went away before they could even leave his mouth.

Murdoc sat at the kitchen table with a bottle of beer in hand; Russel sat across from him staring at him. He knew what the drummer was thinking; it was the same thing he had been thinking about for years now.

"Don't fucking say it." Murdoc muttered angrily.

"You haven't told him yet have you?"

The Satanist looked up at him and shook his head.

"I can't believe you, you owe that to him. You can't just disappear and expect me to explain to him why." The younger man said sounding irritated.

Murdoc gripped tightly to the bottle, he was angry. Not at Russel, none of this was his fault, he was right.

"I'll handle it; a'right just fucking….Just let me handle it my way."

"What's your way? Oh right your way is to just, what two months? Right in two months just disappear, he'll wake up and you won't be there. He'll look for you; I'll have to explain to him and Noodle why you went away without saying anything to either of them."

Murdoc threw the bottle down on the floor, the sound of the glass breaking echoed through the room.

"Enough, that isn't w'at I'm going to fucking do. Now will yew shut up, telling Noodle about it isn't my fucking problem; yew can handle t'at one."

"I might as well tell 'D as well since you won't."

"Don't say a god damn word to him about this." The older man yelled pointing at the drummer.

"Then you tell him, today. If I find out by tomorrow that he still doesn't know that you're going to Hell then I'm telling him myself."

With that Russel got up and left the room. Murdoc ran his hands over his face and back through his hair growling angrily. He got up and kicked the chair over, he felt angry he hated himself for this. He hated himself for making that deal, for not just leaving things the way that they were. He hated that he had to go away, he deserved every single thing that they were going to do to him in Hell, but he didn't want to leave 2D. He didn't deserve to be alone, to wonder why Murdoc left him.

The bassist took a moment to calm himself down after that he got out his cell phone and sent a message to the younger man telling him to come to the living room. 2D replied asking what he wanted, Murdoc just told him that he needed to talk to him about something important.

He sat down on the couch raking his fingers through his hair wondering exactly what it was that he would say to him. Wondering how he was going to word it, how angry 2D would be, and how much he was going to cry. Murdoc thought over the past five years, how fast they had gone by, how incredible they had been. He never knew that another human being could actually make him feel happy, that somebody could hear every horrible thing about him and his past, and still stay with him. How somebody could look at him with so much love and so much trust, he hated himself so much for this.

"Murdoc?"

The Satanist looked up and tried feigning a smile, but failed.

"Sit down"

2D looked at him for a moment longer before sitting down, he continued staring at the bassist his expression going from mild worry to near fear.

"W-wot's wrong, are yew okay?"

"I'm…Y-...Stuart I need to tell yew something."

Murdoc looked away from him, he took a deep breath still trying to grasp onto what he was going to say. He wished he could put it off longer, that he could hold him, lie, and pretend nothing bad was going to happen.

"Mu'doc tell me wot's wrong."

"I-I want to talk to yew about t'e deal I made five years ago….T'e one I used to bring yew back to life."

"Wot about it?" 2D asked sounding confused.

Murdoc let out a shaky breath and looked at the singer finally meeting his eyes.

"I didn't tell yew everyt'ing about it." He muttered.

"Wot didn't yew tell me, is somefink wrong with me?"

"No, no there isn't anything wrong with yew luv…It's…Ya know how I always told yew there's a price with each ritual?"

"Yeah an' yew paid it when yew cut yer hand open." 2D replied nodding.

"T'at was just an entrance fee." Murdoc said smiling sadly.

"Wot?"

Murdoc sighed heavily and ran his fingers back through his hair.

"The demon told me t'at in five years….In five years I-I….T'at I have to go to hell."

The bassist looked away; he could feel 2D's eyes on him.

"Y-Yer going to…No….Fix it, find some way to change it." 2D said his voice cracking, he sounded confused and on the edge of losing it.

"I can't, if I do anything to break t'e deal then yew die again."

"This can't…No, send me back t'en I don' care just kill me or somefink. I don' want yew to die just cause of me."

Murdoc looked over at the younger man; his eyes were wide and tear filled. He placed his hand over 2D's, the vocalist pulled his hand away and stood up from the couch.

"I'm not hurting yew."

"Bull shit!" The blue haired man screamed his fists clenched at his sides.

The Satanist lowered his head letting his bangs fall over his eyes.

"2D I-"

"Why didn' yew tell me this five fucking years ago?" The singer asked sounding angry, disgusted.

"I didn' want to upset yew, I knew yew would want to go back if I told yew about t'e deal…I thought it would be better this way."

"Upset me, yew didn' fink t'at this would hurt? Yew go and tell me t'at yer in love with me, t'at yer never going to hurt me, or leave me an-and now yer telling me t'at yer going to die in…Two months?"

Murdoc stood up from the couch, the younger man's body was trembling, and tears were falling from his eyes.

"I'm not going to die…They're going to come and take my body and everything."

He knew saying that didn't make it better, it didn't do anything but make it worse. 2D ran his fingers through his hair and laughed dryly.

"I-I can't….Yew fucking bastard, I can't believe I trusted yew! I can't believe I actually thought yew would be honest with me, t'at yew would never leave me….Why would yew did this to yerself, why would yew agree to this?"

"Because I love yew."

"If yew loved me then yew would have just left me alone. Yew wouldn't have brought me back to life so in five years yew could just leave me alone." 2D spat bitterly.

"Yew won't be alone, yew still have Russel and Noodle."

"Do they know?"

"Russel does, he's going to tell Noodle."

"Yew weren't even going to tell me about this were yew?" 2D asked sounding repulsed.

Murdoc looked away for a moment then back up at the singer.

"No, I wasn't." He whispered.

2D smacked him hard across the face; the bassist closed his eyes and hung his head.

"I-I…I fucking hate yew; just stay the hell away from me." The blue haired man said his voice dripping with rage.

A minute later Murdoc heard a door slam shut. He felt his heart constrict in his chest and a dull throbbing in his head as tears began falling from his eyes. He sat down on the couch burying his face in his hands as he began sobbing his body aching.

He sat there for awhile trying to force himself to stop crying; he rubbed at his eyes, and took a deep breath letting it out slowly. He got up from the couch and made his way out into the car lot, he went to 2D's room and tried the door but it was locked. He could hear screaming and the sound of objects being thrown around.

"2D open t'e door, please I'm sorry. I know t'at doesn't mean anything to yew, I fucked up okay? Stuart please, I know I shoul' have told yew sooner…A lot sooner, yew deserved to know about t'is. I love yew so God damn much, I don' want yew to hate me. I'm so sorry, please, please don't hate me." His voice cracked and he began crying again.

Murdoc moved away from the door and went over to the Winnie. He sat down on the ground and pulled out a cigarette sticking it between his trembling lips and lighting it. He leaned his head back against the metal siding closing his eyes; he pulled the stick out of his mouth and exhaled. Tears ran down his cheeks and already his body felt exhausted. He was such a fucking idiot, maybe it was better this way though. Maybe telling 2D now was the best way to go about it, he had two months to stop loving the bassist. He had two months to start hating him, maybe by then it wouldn't hurt as much when Murdoc did have to leave. He had looked for a way around this, but there wasn't one. He had an idea, but it was nothing that he could do while he was still on Earth. It was something he would have to try once he was there and he knew that most likely it wouldn't work at all.

This would have been so much easier if there was nobody to hurt. If there hadn't been anybody who loved him, somebody he never wanted to hurt. He had spent so many years lying to 2D; he couldn't blame him for being pissed off. He couldn't blame him for not wanting to see him. He had every right in the world and then some, Murdoc hoped that when he was in Hell 2D would go off and find somebody who was actually worth loving. Somebody who wouldn't end up making him cry or feel like he wasn't good enough.

"Murdoc"

The Satanist opened his eyes and looked up at the singer. His eyes were puffy, tears still scrolling down his pale cheeks, and a cut on his face. Murdoc stood up dropping the cigarette to the ground and stubbing it out with his shoe.

"I'm sorry Stu, I'm so fucking sorry. I should have told yew sooner, I didn' mean to hurt yew….If yew want to break up with me I get it, find somebody who won't hurt yew."

"I don't want anybody else, I want yew. I don' want yew to go away; I want yew to stay here wit' me." 2D said his voice soft and sad.

"Are yew still mad at me?"

"I want to be"

"Do yew hate me?"

"I never could hate yew….I don' want to spend my last two months wit' yew being angry; I'm sorry t'at I hit yew."

"Don't worry, I deserved it….W'at happened to yer cheek?" Murdoc asked reaching out and brushing his fingers against the drying blood.

2D tensed under his touch, the older man pulled his hand away and looked down towards the ground.

"Sorry" The bassist muttered.

"I love yew" The blue haired man whispered.

He wrapped his arms around Murdoc holding him tightly; he buried his face against the older man's chest and began sobbing. The Satanist held him closely rubbing his hand up and down his back. He wished that none of this was happening; he wished he could just give him something normal. That he had forever with him instead of just two more months, he wished he wasn't the reason that 2D was crying right now. If he wasn't such a selfish bastard he would have told him years ago, would have given him time to adjust to what was going to happen. Given him time to fall out of love with him and just leave, but now he was stuck holding onto a man who was going to leave him soon.

"Do yew wanna go inside?" Murdoc asked his voice soft.

He felt scared; he wasn't even scared about going to Hell. He knew how much it would hurt, how much torture he would endure there. The thing that scared him was the man he held in his arms, the one that he was doing all of this for.

"Yeah"

Murdoc took him by the hand and led him into the Winnebago. He closed and locked the door behind them and made his way back to the bed lying down with 2D pressed against his side. The younger man curled his fingers against his chest, his face buried in the crook of his neck. He hated knowing how much all of this was hurting him, how much worse it was going to hurt in two months.

"Please don't die"

"I'm not going to die, I'm just going to go away…They're going to come and take me, but I won't be dead."

He knew his physical body would end up dying. That if he was lucky he would make it a year unless they liked tormenting him enough to keep him going longer. His physical body would die and be trapped in hell, the torture would never end. He knew he had to be insane doing this for somebody else, somebody that he loved. That's what love was, doing something to make them happy and to keep them safe. He was proving that he was willing to go to Hell and back for 2D; he just wanted to know that he would live a long life, and in time he would get over Murdoc going away. That this would become easier for him and maybe he would just forget completely.

"Please tell me t'at yew aren' really going away." 2D whispered, he sounded like a scared child.

"Stuart I can't do that."

"Wot am I supposed to do without yew?"

"Have a normal life, yew'll be okay….Just sad for awhile, it'll get better, and eventually yew'll forget about me."

Murdoc ran his fingers through 2D's hair.

"I don't want to forget yew, I don' want yew to go….Yew always promised t'at yew wouldn' leave me."

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry…I don't even expect for yew to forgive me."

They laid in silence for awhile; the sound of 2D whimpering every now and again was the only sound in the room.

"I won't be gone forever, I'm going to try and come back."

2D sat up and looked down at the older man.

"Won' t'at break the deal?"

"If it did t'en I wouldn't think about doing it." Murdoc replied caressing the singer's cheek.

"How do yew know it'll work?"

"I don't, I'm just going to try…I'll find a way to come back to yew."

2D settled back down beside of him resting his head against his chest. Murdoc was done making promises he knew that he couldn't keep; he was just hoping that he could do this. That he could find a way back once he was gone, he knew it would take a long time, but he would try to find a way home.


	20. Chapter Nineteen

This was the last night he had, the last night before he had to go to Hell. The past couple of months had been weird; it had been hard going around his band mates for that time. For the most part he had just avoided them, had stayed with 2D most of the time. The younger man refused to leave his side, no matter what 2D was always right there with him usually holding onto his hand or just pressed against him looking scared and lost. Murdoc didn't mind the closeness, he craved it; he wanted 2D to be close to him. He never wanted to leave him; he wished this was all one horrible nightmare.

Tomorrow he had to leave; this was his last night before going to Hell. He noticed how quiet and distant 2D had been all day. How he couldn't really look Murdoc in the eyes, how he looked like he was ready to cry constantly; he wanted to know a way to make it better. He wanted to know a way to make this all go away, but there wasn't anything he could do right now.

Murdoc walked over to the vocalist and placed his hands on his hips pulling his body flush against him. 2D stared down at him his eyes wide and sad; the bassist ran his hands up under his shirt caressing his skin. He leaned in kissing him slowly, the younger man tensed at first, but kissed back after a moment. It hurt him when he felt like 2D didn't want him touching him, but he understood it.

The singer wrapped his arms around him holding him tightly, the kiss grew deeper more desperate. The Satanist nipped at his lower lip before moving down to his neck biting and sucking the skin listening to the small moans that the taller man produced. He continued moving his hands up 2D's body touching every inch of skin that he could get to; he took hold of the younger man's shirt pulling it off of him. Murdoc started kissing and nipping at his chest and collar bones, tracing his tongue along every line and faded scar.

He pushed 2D back on the bed and took off his own shirt before climbing on top of him. He took hold of the vocalist wrists holding them above his head pinning him to the bed. Murdoc kissed him roughly, his nails digging into the other man's skin. He ground his hips down against him smiling into the kiss when 2D moved his hips upwards craving more of that friction. The Satanist ran the tip of his tongue down along his neck then moved up kissing along his jaw line then down the front of his throat. He placed a kiss against the faded scar on his chest; he released the blue haired man's wrists. He made quick work of removing their jeans throwing them to the floor. Murdoc grabbed the bottle off of the night stand emptying the last of the liquid into the palm of his hand coating his fingers and his erection. He parted the younger man's legs settling between them. He pushed his fingers inside stretching him; he pulled them half way out then shoved back in brushing against his prostate. He watched as 2D's body jerked, his breathing hitching, the quick rise and fall of his chest. The way his half lidded eyes were doing their best to focus on him, watch his every move. Murdoc pulled his fingers out and lined himself up with the vocalist entrance. He pushed inside of him, 2D leaned his head back against the mattress groaning.

Murdoc kissed him passionately; 2D wrapped his legs around his back pulling him closer. The older man moaned into the kiss, he gripped tightly to the pianist hips pulling his body upwards as he thrust into him harder. 2D's nails dug into his shoulder blades, he tossed his head back moaning loudly, Murdoc ran his tongue down the center of his throat to his chest and his stomach. He took hold of the blue haired man's wrists pinning them down against the bed as he picked up his pace thrusting harder then slowing down to a near stop. 2D bucked his hips trying to make the older man go faster; he let out a frustrated sound as he stared up at the bassist his black eyes pleading. Murdoc cupped his face and kissed him passionately, the younger man kissed back eagerly his tongue pushing inside of the Satanist mouth. Murdoc thrust faster, he raked his nails along the singer's side determined to leave marks on his skin.

He took hold of 2D's erection pumping him in time with his thrusts. Murdoc groaned as the blue haired man's body tightened around him, he rubbed the pad of his thumb back and forth over the tip bringing him closer to the edge. 2D started coming in his hand and onto his stomach, Murdoc thrust into him again coming deep inside of him. He leaned his forehead against the vocalist chest panting and cursing as he came. He pulled out and lay down next to 2D, the blue haired man turned onto his side wrapping his arms around the bassist holding him close. Murdoc held onto him resting his chin on top of his head, he pulled back and looked into the younger man's sad looking black eyes. He caressed his cheek brushing the stray tears from his skin; 2D took hold of his hand.

"Last night" 2D whispered his voice sounded vacant.

"I'll come back"

"How do yew know?"

"I'll find a way back to yew; I don't want to spend forever away from yew."

"I love yew Mu'doc"

"I love yew too Stuart, I'm sorry t'at I put yew through all of this."

He ran his fingers through the younger man's hair, he wanted to remember him. He wanted to come back as soon as he could, he never wanted to leave.

Murdoc kissed him softly; 2D's lips trembled against his. When he pulled away he could see him crying; he kissed the tip of his nose.

"Don't cry pet, don't cry for me….I swear to God I will try and come back to yew, just give me time."

"I-I will, I'll wait….Do yew regret doing this for me?"

"No, I could never regret this." Murdoc said his voice sure.

2D smiled sadly, he buried his face against the older man's chest.

Murdoc closed his eyes a few tears scrolled down his cheeks. He wished he could just stay forever, he didn't regret bringing 2D back to life. Nothing could ever make him regret that, he just regretted having to leave him. He tried to clear his mind and focus on the soft warm breath against his skin and the sweet scent of the man pressed against him. He never knew he could love something this much.


	21. Chapter Twenty

The four of them stood in the living room none of them really quite sure what to do or what to say. Murdoc looked at his band mates; Noodle was staring up at him looking like she was on the verge of crying, Russel looked awkward and out of place, and 2D looked like he had spent most of the night crying, Murdoc knew that he had.

"They shouldn' come until about evening, but I want yew guys out just in case." Murdoc said looking away from his friends.

"Are you sure that you have to do this?" Noodle asked her voice shaky.

"Yeah girlie I'm sure" He replied sighing heavily.

The young girl wrapped her arms around his waist hugging him tightly; he patted her on the head smiling sadly.

"I'm going to miss you uncle Murdoc."

She pulled away and wiped at her eyes trying to keep the tears from falling. She went back over to Russel taking hold of his hand.

"I'll miss yew too luv."

"I have to give credit that this is really human of you. I never really hated you, just I think you're a prick a lot of times, but you aren't a complete ass." Russel said faking a smile.

"Thanks, so I'll take that as yew half way like me." Murdoc said smirking.

The bassist turned his attention to 2D who stood with his hands stuffed in the pockets of his jeans. He was wearing one of the older man's worn out band shirts. Murdoc walked over to him placing a hand on his cheek, 2D looked up and tried to smile but it failed.

"I love yew"

"I love yew too"

"This isn't really goodbye, I'll come back….Everything will be a'right, yer so beautiful." Murdoc whispered he took hold of the singer's hand squeezing it.

"I'll wait for yew, forever."

"Russ will take good care of yew, make sure yew look after Noodle….Don't cry, okay?"

2D nodded, he looked down towards the floor. The bassist pressed his lips against his forehead; 2D looked up and smiled. He placed a hand on Murdoc's cheek running his fingers over his skin.

"We should probably get going."

They looked towards Russel then back at each other.

"I love yew, I'll be back I promise."

"I miss yew" 2D whispered his voice breaking; he brushed his lips over Murdoc's then pulled away.

"O-Okay let's go"

Murdoc watched as his band mates left. He went over to the couch and sat down picking up the bottle of rum off the floor. He leaned back taking a long drink from the bottle; he had most of the day as far as he knew. He honestly figured that he would cry, but he couldn't get himself to even when he tried. He felt at peace in some strange way. He had five years to prepare for this; he knew that he would be alone when it happened. He knew he would be drunk when they came to drag him off to hell and that everything he had ever known would be gone. If the others had stayed it would have made things harder and even could have possibly put them in danger. That was one thing that he didn't want, he didn't want to hurt them more than he already had in all the years he had known them. He closed his eyes and thought over last night, 2D's body, his lips pressed against his, and how that would possibly be the last time he could ever touch him again. It frustrated him and scared him, nothing hurt more than knowing he could never have him again…He did plan on trying to find a way out of Hell, but he didn't know if it would work. He had heard stories about men making it out; usually they made it alright but very fucked up mentally. Some of them ended up in asylums babbling about their tales that nobody believed others just lived the life of somebody who suffered a severely traumatic experience. Demons very rarely went after people who escaped hell; there was usually too much embarrassment that somebody got out in the first place.

He spent most of the day going through Kong looking at the different rooms. Looking at the things and the places he wouldn't see again, once the bottle was empty he was numb. He sat down on the couch and stared out the large window watching the sun set. He heard a door near by open and smiled knowingly.

He looked over to see the demon from five years ago standing there smiling at him, its hand held out for him. Murdoc pulled himself up off of the couch and walked over to it staring into those dead demonic red eyes.

"I expected more of a fight from you of all people Mr. Niccals."

"I've been preparing for this, just get it over with."

The creature wrapped its long fingers around his wrist; he followed it out into the car lot and to the gaping hole that led down to Hell. He always knew he would end up there, he didn't know it would be this soon. He looked over at the creature and its rotting flesh and jagged fangs, the way that it smiled at him. Just because he was going to Hell without a fight didn't mean he wouldn't put up a fight while he was down there.

To be continued….

(Next story will be titled Bat Out of Hell)


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